The Kindergartner

 It was the first day of Kindergarten. I was 5 years old. I was nervous and excited to be starting school. I started making friends immediately. I also met The Kindergartner. He was cute. And apparently my attraction to "bad boys" and guys with issues started way before I was conscious about it, because The Kindergartner called me bad names, names he'd learned from his the lame guys his single mom brought home.

I don't have any real memory of being called bad names, or the foul language that was written on the side of the mom's boyfriend's truck that day after school, but I was told about years later. And if I noticed any of it in kindergarten, it only fueled the flame. On the second day of school I chased The Kindergartner around the playground, pinned him down and kissed him. Right on the lips. I do remember that. I also remember my mother very matter of fact-ly telling me that afternoon that I wasn't allowed to kiss boys until I was 16. Now for some of you that might have been a challenge, but I was rule follower. Especially if they were my parents' rules. I put myself in time out when I was bad. I had a very guilty conscience. Being told I wasn't allowed to kiss boys before I was 16 meant exactly that. I stopped kissing The Kindergartner, but I crushed on him for most of the rest of elementary school.

Why? I have no real idea. He was edgy -- for an elementary school kid. I don't think I have ever told anyone this, but The Kindergartner asked for my phone number on the last day of 5th grade. I gave it to him, and on the way home from school I started to panic. What if he called? What would my parents say?! OH NO! A couple days later he called while I wasn't home. My grandpa took the message. I never called him back. I prayed harder than I had ever prayed before that he would never call me again. I promised God I would read the whole Strong's Concordance if The Kindergartner would just loose my number and never be able to call. Why the Strong's Concordance? It was the biggest book related to The Bible we had in the house and I thought God would appreciate it. It was then that I learned that God comes through with his end of the deal even when I don't, because I never made it past page 3, and The Kindergartner never called.

Even though I got a thrill from the "bad boy" thing, I still wanted to first and foremost please my parents. I was afraid that they would be disappointed in me that I had a not so secret (because I swear my mom is psychic) thing for The Kindergartner. We had agreed that I wouldn't date until I was 16, and to me, giving a boy my number meant I was somehow cheating. Years later a boy gave me his phone number and I never called for the same reason. Damn that guilty conscience.