Leaving tomorrow

TH and I leave for camp tomorrow. I'm very excited, but also nervous. According to my chart, Aunt Flow is due any day now. I had a tinge of cramping this morning which has caused me to be on high alert all day, which has also caused me to be a bit bitchy. Not only is it a pain to be on your period when you are camping, (and white water rafting with jr high boys who may or may not even know what a period is) but I really don't want to face this while I'm there. I've got some really awesome friends, as well as my amazing husband, who haven't let me hide in my room with the covers over my head the last couple weeks. I appreciate them more than they know. The downside to that is I spend a lot of time crying because that's how I process things. Also, I haven't exactly been facing my feelings and fears quite as directly as maybe I should be. Instead of being buried under my comforter, I've dug myself a cozy hole beneath lists and deadlines. I'm not sure what I'm going to do come Wednesday.

If I'm a crying, snotty, emotional wreck at camp someone is bound to notice. I guess I might just be spending lots of time wandering through the woods trying to pull myself together. At this point the last thing I want to talk about and process at camp around 120 people is my "infertility."

On the other hand, if I find I'm prego at camp, well, that isn't ideal either. What if I have morning sickness? What if all I want to do is lie in bed all day feeling yucky? How can I keep my mouth shut to be able to tell my parents first? And I'd want to tell them first.

This was the reason I decided not to be a counselor this year. Not because I knew I'd be on my period, but because I'm attempting to work through so much right now in my own life and relationship with God. How can I reach other people when I'm so selfishly consumed? Administration is much safer. If I find myself crumbling I can pretend I have something very important to attend to and excuse myself.

I guess it was bound to happen this year. Last year I was ovulating during camp and TH and I, creative as we tried to be, were unable to escape to, well, make a baby. Not sure what that has to do with anything, but blog readers like inappropriate personal facts, right?

So that's where I'm at. I'll let you all know how I fared on Wednesday when I get home.

Summer camp!

Blogging is SO time consuming. I've been talking a lot about this with my mom lately. She's been working really hard to make her blog, The Chloe Chronicles, something special, and she's doing a fantastic job. I, on the other hand, have recently been elected "Camp Administrator" for the annual youth group camp this summer and it has taken a real toll on my blog writing time. Camp is in a week and a half and very little has actually been done in terms of preparation. I have spent very large chunks of the last five days in the Camp Director's (a local youth pastor) office. On top of keeping the Camp Director in line, I have a house to clean, a husband to feed and spend time with, a pregnancy crisis center to volunteer at, and did I mention that husband to spend time with? Believe it or not he doesn't consider time I spend writing to all my 14 followers quality time with him. Even when I'm doing it right next to him. Crazy, right?

What I was coming here to say was: I haven't been around much lately because I've been SUPER busy with this camp stuff, and will continue to be busy with this camp stuff for the next two weeks. I told you I was going to keep myself busy. But don't worry, I'm not over extending myself. I get a high off doing administration duties. Being able to tell people what to do, and have them listen...it's like crack for me. Seriously. And I'm good, too. I'm very organized. I make lists. I stay on top of deadlines. I keep everyone up to date. I keep all the paperwork in order. I keep copies of all my paperwork in order.

So, since I am single-handedly trying to keep camp and my husband from simultaneously imploding, I've let blogging slide for a bit.

I made a yummy spaghetti dinner with home make garlic bread. The kitchen is sparkling (thanks mostly to my SIL who does my dishes when she comes over for dinner), and speaking of kitchens, now it is time to assign Kitchen Clean Up for the campers. Yippie!!