Cry Me A River

This post has nothing to do with this movie

I'm a crier. I always have been. It doesn't matter if I'm angry, happy, or sad, my default emotional release is crying.

Have you seen THIS video? She's so overwhelmed by her feelings, that she just can't help by cry. I would have been this little girl.

It used to be way, way worse. The littlest things would push me over the edge and I be bawling. If something disappointed or upset me, I would cry. I just felt things very strongly, I guess. I wasn't trying to be manipulative, I simply couldn't help it.

I remember on more than one occasion being too hot, and just breaking down into tears. Huge crocodile tears. I literally couldn't pull myself together. Living in San Diego meant it happened quite a few times each the summer. One vacation to New Mexico I ended up completely breaking down in a Walmart parking lot because I was so physically overwhelmed by the heat. Instead of just expressing my frustrations with words, all I could do was cry. I was 12, not 2.

Getting hormones totally killed me. I would be completely fine one moment and a wreck the next, for no explainable reason. I literally had to learn how to control my emotional response to situations. How did I learn how to do this? I don't really remember. I do know that I was very annoyed with myself for being so emotionally wacky, and one day just decided to figure it out. I'm sure some things my parents did helped, but I honestly couldn't point to any one thing. I probably was sent to my room a few times, not out of anger, but more just to "have some space." Or maybe I wasn't sent to my room. Maybe I sent myself, knowing I needed some space.

Now that I'm 22, I am much better at keeping my emotions in check. Too much heat makes me cranky, but the water works stay safely stored. I am able to face stressful situations without a shedding a single tear, at least until I'm in the safety of my own home. I am able to determine when I need some space and make a point to escape from the situation for a few moments, or at least mentally check out until I can pull myself together. Aunt Flo still gets the best of me sometimes, and I cry fairly easy when it comes to sappy movies at any time of the month. I also tend to cry when Jake and I are hashing things out. I swear it's not because I'm trying to be manipulative. I really try to hold back the tears. As I said at the beginning, crying is my emotional default.

I'm saying all that for the benefit of people who are not criers. I understand some are not. My mom doesn't cry as much as me. Most of my friends don't cry as easily as I do. Some people just cry. I totally acknowledge that there are people who cry with the purpose of manipulation, but not everyone who cries is trying to get something from you. Some people just haven't figured out how to manage their own emotions yet.

Especially certain 12 year old girls.