Just don't ask. That's all I'm saying. Especially if you know that they're trying. Especially if you know they're trying to avoid. Especially if you don't know either way, because frankly it's none of your bleepin' business.
Just don't ask.
Not only will you be over stepping the bounds of polite conversation, but at the very least you'll be annoying.
It could be worse. You could really hurt someone. You likely won't know that you're causing pain, but it's true. An excruciating pain caused by a heart silently breaking into a million pieces.
Don't ask unless you have permission to ask. If you don't know what having permission is, then you don't have it.
And on more personal note:
When someone is talking about buying a puppy, don't you dare say "Just have a baby," when you know damn well that the puppy would actually just be a substitute for the baby they so desperately want. Especially if you are saying this while holding your one year old child that you had on accident while using birth control. If you had a baby on accident and have never struggled with infertility you don't get to suggest anything.
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| You can carry me in your purse wherever you go |
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| We can play all day |
Luckily this one keeps pretty good, if somewhat lazy company.
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| Can someone pass the brownies? |
Mike and I were married six years by the time I finally got pregnant. You can imagine how many times we faced that question.
ReplyDeleteNow for MY question. Is that first poochie joining your family? or is she/he just photographic cuteness?
((((hug)))))
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry people hurt you like this, even accidentally.
I love the dogs, though. Which, if any, are actually yours? Soon to be yours? They are all adorable!
Thank you ladies. I was in quite a mood yesterday when I wrote this, but writing it out helped.
ReplyDeleteThe dog on the bottom is my dog Jackie. I've had her since she was 6 months old. She's pushing nine now, but she's an awesome dog. We have another Lab too, Duke. The first two photos are my dreams dogs. A Pomeranian and an Irish Wolfhound.
So sorry!
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Hey Rachel!
ReplyDeleteWhile I totally hear what you are saying, I think it is a good thing to remember that for the most part, when people say something like that what they are really saying is:
"I am genuinely interested in you and am wondering how you are."
Since the life stage you are in generally (although not always) involves having children, it is just a natural question that people ask - although not always appropriate.
It is sort of like someone asking a couple who has been dating for a few years if they are getting married or when someone asks our family (with our 9 adopted children) if we are planning to collect any more! Certainly, it doesn't always come out as polite or as well-said as it could be, but for the most part, it isn't ill-willed.
Also, I have found (as we OFTEN get crazy comments) that either way - even if it is ill-willed or thoughtless - this is one of the MAIN ways God gives opportunity for me to "always be ready to give an answer for the Hope that I have." It almost always leads to an opportunity to share about the reason we have Hope in Christ whether it is in the midst of secondary-infertility, dealing with Reactive Attachment Disorder, or the daily struggles of having 10 children.
In fact, it might be that your gracious response to a question with something like
"oh, we would love to have children but so far the Lord has not chosen to bless us with any but we are hoping and praying and waiting and it is really HARD sometimes but we know that He is good."
or on a bad day,
"YES! We really want children and I'm not pregnant yet and it SUCKS and it is hard and I hate it but I'm trying really hard to trust Him - and it is hard!"
might be the very thing that the other person needs to hear. It speaks mightily to the fact that we DO live in a sinful, fallen world and that we all are struggling in some way and that the ONLY Hope we have is ultimately in Him.
LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU! And I hope and pray that God will bless you with little ones very soon.
Thanks for the words of encouragement, Jen. And thanks for Tuesday too. I'm so happy that you're in my life. :)
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to give you a hug!
ReplyDeleteI'd add (coming from the flip side) "Are you done yet?". Also nunya. Sorry for the jerks who don't know enough to keep their yaps shut. :p
ReplyDeleteTexanna/Briar Rose
Rachel, my sister struggled with this. And as a result, I don't ask. I'm sorry for people's insensitivity.
ReplyDelete((Rachel)) Our society has lost its rude-meter. It is rude to ask when a couple is going to conceive. It is rude to ask whether a couple wants a child of the opposite gender. It is rude to ask whether you are "done". It is just plain rude. May the peace that passes understanding be with you...and I hope that writing this out helped a little.
ReplyDeleteWhat they all said. Jmmom's especially resonated with my thinking. ((hugs))
ReplyDelete