Right now I work full time and am not in school. I do not plan on going back to school, and sooner rather than later would like to be a stay at home wife. I have only told a handful of people until now. I think most people are under the impression that I'm planning on going back to school in the fall to become an RN. I considered that, and it was an easy thing to tell people when I wasn’t really sure what my future held. Over the last couple of months I’ve been thinking, praying, and talking with Jake and have come to the conclusion that I don’t want an official career. I don’t want a degree or any academic title for that matter. I want to be a homemaker. It has been my dream since I was a little girl. I have just recently realized, however, that I don't need to spend all the time and money half-heartedly pursuing something else until we have kids. I shouldn’t have to justify myself to others, but I feel like I will have to, so here goes.
There are two questions I get asked since Jake and I got married. The first is “What are you in school for?” When people find out I am not in school they look at me with woeful eyes like I won’t amount to anything. The second question I am asked most often is “When are you guys having kids?” People ask me these questions as if those are the only two things I could be doing right now to make my life meaningful. Since I am not in school we must be planning a family for the near future. Since we are not prego I must be pursuing a formal education. I am not throwing my life down the drain because I’m not in school and Jake and I are not rushing to have kids.
Many people my age are in school. Many of my own friends are very school oriented. They want degrees and careers of their own. There is nothing wrong with that and I am truly happy for them. My greatest desire however, is not to have my own official career but to support Jake and raise a family with him. I have no doubt that it is a God given desire and I want to do everything I can to pursue that. All I was ever taught in college was to pursue my own career and that I needed to be dependent only on myself. I don’t want that. I am dependent on Christ and he has given Jake as my provider.
I realize that this sounds like I was taken away and kept in a box somewhere and brain washed. This is not the norm; in fact it is backwards from our culture. This is probably why I have met resistance when I talk about it. I have this insatiable desire to nest; to create a comfortable home that we are proud of and excited to have company in. I want to be cooking, cleaning, planting a garden, and taking care of our home. I want to be the Titus 2 woman loving my husband and children, being busy at home, and so on. I want to be like the famous Proverbs 31 Woman, working hard, honoring my husband and supporting him in all he does. I want to volunteer at the pregnancy center. I want to be free to meet with a girl from the youth group on her lunch break if she needs to talk. I want more time to invest in people. Also, for totally selfish reasons, I’d really like to be able to go to the bank when they are open.
I’ve been thinking about why this is such a scary thing to people. If I was training to be an Olympic gymnast instead of going to school, that would be acceptable. If I wanted to climb Mt Everest instead of going to school people would think I was an inspiration. I’d have something to show for those things: a metal around my neck or frostbite on my toes. Being a stay at home wife is more of a burden than an accomplishment these days.
How does our family feel about this? Our parents support us. I haven’t really talked to anyone else because I know some of them will be disappointed. The ones who think I threw my life away by getting married at 19. The ones who desire great wealth and prestige and think we should too. Jake and I don’t desire to be rich. We are quite content to live within the means God has granted us at this time. He has been more than generous with us.
I don’t mean this to sound stuck up or “we trust God and you don’t.” By no means! This is something we feel called to do. Obviously not everyone is called to the same things. I just wanted to clarify that. Some of the ladies who I have talked to about this get defensive because they work outside of the home. I don’t have a problem with that. I hope that they don’t have a problem that I’ll be staying home.
My mom asked me to finish this blog, so I finally did.
Thank you. Sheesh. I love you with all my heart and I know how sensible and wise you are and that you sit in the very palm of God's hand. Therefore, it'll all work out. Be happy.
ReplyDeletelove, mom
p.s. I'd be even more happy if you'd agree to keep chickens. When you have grandchildren for me I plan to use them against you to get you to get chickens. Just warning you.
PSP (can we still call you that?),
ReplyDeleteI went to college with one thing in mind: take classes that interested me, and find a good husband. I spent most of my free time hanging out in the engineering building. I never took any engineering classes (or math classes after that first semester of Algebra) but I knew, for some reason deep down, that I wanted an engineer husband. I dated 5 or 6 of them before I met MINE.
Then I promptly married, had a baby and quit school. I was only 17 credits short of graduating at that point.... and people thought I was crazy not to finish. Sometimes I think about "what if" and whether I should try to finish..... but mostly I'm way too busy to consider it.
I have 7 chickens. They are delightful. Much fun to watch- it's almost like a form of meditation, to watch them.
I think Jake is blessed to have you for his wife. His is the opinion that matters in all of this. There's always time for school later, should you desire to go back one day. If not, then you'll learn by living your life. All this to say, I agree with your incredibly wise mom that you are sensible and wise and can do anything you set your heart and mind to do.
ReplyDeletePSP, I met and married my husband just after my sophomore year of college and didn't go back to school. I was 20 and knew without a doubt that it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing. My mother was a school teacher and my father a cardiologist, so you can imagine the uproar that this caused in my family! Of course you are experiencing the comments I got from the rest of the world.
ReplyDeleteI worked until my husband finished school and got a job and then was a stay at home wife for the next 4 years before we had children. I've been a stay at home wife and mom ever since. We've been married 27 years. Just last year I started taking classes again. *Now* it is what I'm supposed to be doing. Before it wasn't.
Yes, people thought I was crazy, or worse lazy. I heard a lot about wasting my brains. I just smiled and knew that I was smarter than them with or without school.;-)
I found that whatever I needed to know through the years I learned. When I was struggling with infertility I became an expert on the subject. When I wanted to know more about gardening I read about it. When I wanted to learn to speak Italian I got the books and was able to converse with the natives on an anniversary trip to Italy.
I consider myself "educated." Most of all I consider myself blessed.
You are being honest, following your heart, most of all following God's will for your life.
Good for you!
Hi Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through your Mom on the Sonlight Forums. I just thought I'd leave you a little note.
I also married young--just turned 18 as a matter of fact! I was ready and I'm not sorry I married so young.
Like you, I also struggled with college. I never could find my niche. Just when I found a subject I loved and was actually good at, I became pregnant and quit school and work to get ready for our new baby. I have never been sorry I left school or work. I always knew I wanted to stay home with our kids, although I never knew when that would begin!
We were married 5 1/2 years before our firstborn arrived, and we were also hammered with the question of, "So, when are you going to have a baby???". It gets old, I know. We listened to it for almost 5 years! But it doesn't stop there. Oh, no. Once you do have a baby, then people will want to know how many more you want and when the next one will come. As far as that is concerned, my best piece of advice is to find an answer you like, and use it every time. Something like, "We're ready when God is."
And as far as staying home goes, people are just nosy and will continue to ask you about why you are choosing to do so. Again, come up with a standard response and let it roll off your back instead of ruffle your feathers.
I personally tell people I can't imagine anything more important than spending my time raising my children myself. Why should I pay someone else to do that for me? Why would I want someone else to do that? If children are worth having, why hand them over to others to be looked after for 10-12hours out of the day? Think of all I would miss if I were working!
I know a lot of elderly people. I have spent a lot of time with those elderly people. The one thing they always tell me is to love my children every minute of the day. To spend as much time as humanly possible with them, reading, playing, learning and growing together. I have yet to meet an elderly person who wishes they had spent more time working and less time with their children/families.
Compared to the general public, you and I have chosen a lonely road. I have had to purposefully seek out the company of other stay at home wives/mothers and homeschooling mothers to satisfy my own soul. They were not present in my own family (which is where I get the most of my grief) and were not present in my circle of friends at the time.
I don't feel the need to "explain" myself to others. But, I do usually answer their questions. I never try to push my ideas on them. I just answer them honestly and frankly. If and when they keep coming up with, "But what about....", that's when I tell them these are our choices. We are in charge of these decisions and we are following our hearts. That is also a point where I will try to change the subject.
You will never be able to please or satisfy everyone. That's OK! That is not what we are supposed to do. We are to please and satisfy our husbands, and meet the physical and emotional needs of our children.
You can do this! Don't let other's opinions get to your emotions. Learn this now, because no matter what phase of life you are in, there will always be "nay-sayers" concerning some decision you have made.
Sorry this got so long! I just wanted to encourage you in your pursuit of God's leading on your life!
By the way.........
I am now 30 years old. I have been married to the same man for almost 13 years! We have three darling children together, all of whom I am homeschooling and playing with all. day. long. My heart is very happy and I'm pretty sure theirs are too. :)
I find it incredibly refreshing that there is actually an intelligent young wife out there who sees the value of being a wife-slash-nothing. It is a shame that this is a decision that apparently needs to be apologized for today.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the opinions of anyone other than the Lord's, your husband's, and whatever wise counsel God has blessed you with (this means your parents!). If you are confident this is the path the Lord would have you take, take it, and take it big time, without apology. Take it with joy!
Plant that garden. Learn to make perfect lasagna. Figure out the lost art of canning stuff. Keep a beautiful home. Support your husband, and enjoy this early stage of your marraige.
I was married at nineteen, and I vividly remember those days-they are so very special, and so quickly gone. Treasure them now, and treasure this opportunity to spend these days in this noble way.
The bible says, "Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others."(Phil. 2:4) Your goal-being a full-time wife-is a beautiful way of obeying this verse. And, since marraige is a picture of our relationship with the Lord, your decision is all the more special.
My husband and I have now been married almost eighteen years. I went to college for one semester early in our marraige, and I worked with him at his father's business for most of the time before we had children. It was a wonderful beginning, and it strengthened our bond to be together so much. I wouldn't change a thing.
I pray God continues to bless you and your husband!
Hmmmmm.....here's my take.
ReplyDeleteI got married at 18. I did not finish college, I did work full time until the birth of our son, a little over a year after we got married. I, too, got a lot of advice, opinions, and "looks", because I was considering medical school, and it seemed to everyone to be "such a waste" for me to be a housewife.
One thing I've learned over the years is that the details of your submission to God's will may change, but people's response to that submission will almost never change. I have discovered also, that while experience and knowledge is useful, and should be sought, it IS NOT a substitute for the wisdom that God gives to you and to your husband. Ever. I think that Proverbs 3:5,6 has been helpful to me... "Trust in the Lord with all your heart (have faith that He is consistant and true and His word is absolute) and lean not on your own understanding (uhhh...or anyone else's for that matter!) in all your ways acknowledge him (obey what He tells you is best for you and your family) and he will make your paths straight (He will order your life so that you can best glorify Him). Obviously the parenthesis are mine :) I just want to encourage you that I have been married almost 16 years, I love my husband, and we have lived a life of obedience to God's will for us that has included TONS of things that buck the culture, or popular opinion. That is ok with us. When we look back over our failure, the times that have been tough, the rough patches where we knew we were doing the right thing and it STILL sucked, we SEE, clearly see God's hand and purpose. I truly believe this would not be the case had we lived our lives in such a way that always brought the approval of those around us.
You are doing a good job. Trust that God gave you your husband and the Holy Spirit in order to direct your path.
Hope that helps. Man, I need to figure out how to put my SL photo up here.....
~Shari (See Mom Run on SL)
I just want to say good for you! You are doing what God has called you to do, and you are doing it in spite of what others expect. That conviction will get you through whatever comes along in your life. I tried college after doing quite well in high school, but it was obvious to me that it wasn't my place. I had always had that same desire to be a homemaker & mother that you expressed, and I didn't see the sense in spending time & money on a degree I hoped I would never use! (I was going to be a teacher...little did I know I would end up teaching my own "one room schoolhouse" full of my own little ones!) It was a disappointment to some when I quit, as I had the "potential" to do so much with my life. But there were others who saw the value of the path my life was on. Anyway, long story short, I have been married for 12+ years to a wonderful, Christian man. We are expecting our 5th child this summer, & I have been home with my children for every moment of their lives. This life is by far the most challenging "career" I could have chosen...and by far the most rewarding, because it is the life God wants for me. How in the world does a person make it through the hard times when the only assurance they have is that everyone else thinks they are on the right track? In the battles of life, I want to KNOW I'm fighting for the right thing. I want to be in the center of God's will for me. I believe I am...oh yes, I stumble & struggle & waiver, but I strive to be where & who He wants me to be. You are blessed to have the assurance that you are following the Lord's leading...I can believe with confidence that your life will be exactly as it should, because you are trusting Him as your guide! Bless you & your husband as you live this life together...may you always seek the Lord with all your heart, because then you will surely find Him!
ReplyDeleteWhen I started dating my dh, I knew within 5 days that I would marry him. But at 18, I was fully in society's hands and thought I needed a high powered/paying job and a college education.
ReplyDeleteSo, though we were engaged at 19 and finally married at 22, we didn't have the sturdiness of marriage that we have today. I tried for years to be the head of our household thinking that because I made more money I should be making the decisions. It nearly ended our marriage.
Being a wife to my dh is a full time job. I call myself his "beck and call girl" ala' Pretty Woman because he tends to ask for my help at random times of the day and evening. But it makes him a better provider and leader to have someone he can depend on. And I am truely happier just concentrating on our home and raising/schooling our kids.
While I have an AA in Social Science, I may never use it (although doing an MDiv sounds appealing when the kiddos fly the nest). But I can say that I own a little piece of the BS that dh earned in Dec and the MS he's earning right now.
PSP, I'm proud of you (and the parents who raised you), for looking to the Lord and the husband He gave you for the direction your life is to take.
And I think it's valid to mention that SOMEONE needs to take care of the community. In the past it was the homemakers who also did the volunteering alongside the retirees. And that girl from youth group is a precious creature that deserves someone to make some personal sacrifices to be available to help her grow in Christ.
My dustmop is raised to you, girl!
I wish I had been able to articulate what I really wanted out of life when I was your age. Everyone always told me how smart I was and how far I'd go, so I went to a good college and wasted a lot of money. I didn't have money to continue straight through, so I killed myself working two jobs while trying to attend classes. I felt like a failure all the time.
ReplyDeleteI always wanted to be married and have kids, and I wanted to be the one to raise them, I knew that from the start. For some reason, I thought that wasn't a worthy enough goal on its own. I thought my goal was supposed to include being "successful". If marriage and babies happened, that was a bonus. I thought I had to have a career and that even if I stayed home while they were young, I would eventfully go back to work because that was what I was supposed to do.
The problem was that in my heart I wanted to be an old-fashioned mom and wife. I wanted to bake cakes, plant gardens, have picnics at the park and read books to the family snuggled up in one big bed while nursing a baby. I don't know why I didn't see that as a worthy goal.
You are so far ahead of the game for knowing your heart. I wasted years following someone else's dreams. So what if I can do advanced Calculus, that time would have been spent learning how to take care of a home, something I still struggle with everyday.
BTW, I also married a Civil Engineer, like Birthblessed said, engineers do make good husbands :-)
I'm in a really cranky mood and was just planning to snoop, but your story really touched me, so I'll go ahead a leave a teensy little comment. I can tell you have a good head on your shoulders. If you're this sure that school is not for you right now, then I respect that. I know so many people with a degree and a huge student loan debt to go with it (my husband and myself included). If I were a Christian back then, I think I would have sensed the Lord's guiding and it wouldn't have been "Hey pick a major and go into enormous amounts of debt." You're right to follow your own heart on this, and not just follow the crowd. Seek the Lord's leading first, and wise counsel second (most of all your own husband's wise counsel). It looks like you already know that. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies. I appreciate the support. I knew you'd all be on my side. :) My grandmother-in-law is coming to dinner tonight and she may not be, but I talked to my MIL the other day and she said "I wouldn't even mention it." with a twinkle in her eye. I've got the best MIL ever.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the chickens go, maybe I'll let mom buy me some when I'm a stay at home wife.
Referred here by your mom...
ReplyDeleteI got married at 19. Before finals week of fall semester my sophomore year. My dh worked hard to help me finish the last 2 1/2 years of school. After that, I went out to work as a temp in an office. I got pregnant within a week of graduating, but worked through my pregnancy and my first child's first year. I hated every minute of it.
I have been staying at home for exactly 7 years now. I love it. It is awesome. I don't care that I have never gotten my MA or MLS. While I'm grateful for my college education, I wish we weren't saddled with the debt from my part of the college loans we have.
When I first announced that I was going to be quitting work to stay at home, I got so many objections (not from family!) about what if my dh left me, etc. I found that people thought I wasn't doing anything because I was going to stay at home. Little do they know how hard it is to school 2 kids, take care of 4, have a farmstead, and stay sane. ;) I wouldn't have it any other way. I can NOT imagine working and leaving my precious children in the hands of others.
My advice to you is to say that you're making a home for your husband and future children, whenever they may come. You don't need to justify to anyone. It sounds to me like you have your head screwed on straight. If I ever get blessed with a daughter, biological or as a daughter-in-law, I hope she is similar to you.
I could have written this exact post 16+ years ago. I was ALSO married at 19 and worked full time, praying for the day that I could be a stay at home wife and mother. I remember very well the looks of dismay from career counselors who wanted me to be an engineer, lawyer, at least a math teacher, etc. Hang in there. You aren't the only one who aspires to such things and the apostle Paul encourages us to do all things to the glory of God. I'd say your dreams are very God glorifying!
ReplyDeleteI also married young, and I do know plenty about dealing with nay-sayers. I was two years into my college when my husband and I got married. I did eventually get my degree. But it took nine years of going to school for a few semesters, have a baby... go a few more semesters, have a baby... You get the idea. Honestly, I finished that degree for many reasons. Probably first and foremost, I wanted to shush those who had forlornly wagged their heads when I married young and said I'd NEVER finish my degree. I did, and I was very proud that I did accomplish that. I also wanted to relieve some pressures from my husband in regards to finances. I wanted him to know that if we ever found ourselves in unexpected circumstances, then I could be a help him if need be. (And that has come to pass.) In many ways I am glad that I did get my degree.
ReplyDeleteHowever there are some negatives that I have encountered as well. First of all, I wish we had devoted that energy as a couple to seeing to it that my husband got the degree instead of me. I think it probably would have benefited our family more if we had to have only one degree between us, if it had been him. Secondly, I would have gotten a degree more in line with family-friendly professions. I graduated with an accounting degree. Horrible for family hours. I wish I had looked more closely at nursing. I see so many of my friends who are able to work shifts that fit with their family's needs and availability- accounting will never offer that kind of flexibility for that kind of pay. Or sometimes I wish I had gotten a degree in what I love- music. At the time, I could do what I wanted, musically speaking, in my hometown. However when we moved a couple of states away, it was a different story. It's taken many years to open doors in the music world here- doors that would have been easier to open if I'd had a degree in music? Who knows?? I could be totally off base, but I've always wondered.
I have been a stay at home mother to my four children since day one. I have loved every minute of it. Yes, I know what you mean about all the career sludge you get in college. I just recognized that I was not the typical student. My goals were different. As for my children, I hope that they will go to college. I hope that they will get it done as quickly as possible. I would rather them have something and not need it than to need something and not have it?
Having said all this, I've simply given you the experience I've had and what I have gleaned from hindsight. But ultimately it really boils down to what God has for your unique family. Above all I would advise you to pray, to seek the wisdom of God in this. I know in every instance, when we've prayed for God to show us what He would have us to do, we've seen doors open and shut right before our very eyes. God knows what is down the road for you, your husband, and any children you may have. See what He lays before you- you can fully trust that whatever it is, it will be for your best!
I thank God often that I didn't have a big career. I have seen many friends feel torn between raising their children at home and having a big career. Since I didn't finish college it was easy for me to leave "just a job" and do what I knew I was called to do my whole life...be a wife and mother.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I were sitting down today discussing future plans and goals. As we looked at our life I realized that it will be 23 years of my life I will have devoted to raising and educating my four children. You want to talk about a career?! THAT'S a career!
I think you are wise beyond your years and I hope your husband sees the blessing that you are. I realize not everyone feels called to be at home, but I know I would be miserable if I didn't follow my calling to do just that.
And for what it's worth, my oldest sister felt I was throwing my life away when I got married at 24 and didn't have a college degree. I ignored her and others who had the same thought. This same sister now supports me in my decision to homeschool and be at home now (10 years later).
I loved reading your blog entry and hope you find encouragement from those of us who have chosen that path. It holds more blessings than I could possibly count.
I am another that married at 19. Although I had a baby right away, I still got the comments. Even my MIL tried to encourage me to finish my degree or look for work.
ReplyDeleteWe have been married for 15 years now and have 4 children. My MIL now "rises up and calls me blessed". She has told me how proud she is of me and that I have made my family my focus and priority. And what a great mother and wife I am.
I have no regrets over not finishing my nursing degree. I am married to a nurse and now really don't think that is what I would want to work at. If and when I do go back to school, it will be after my children are done needing me. My mom went back to college in her 40's and I may follow in her footsteps. The money will be much better spent when I am sure of what degree I want to pursue, rather than just going to college in pursuit of a degreee just to say that I got one.
In the meantime, you can tell people that you are pursuing your MRS with a minor in home ec and philanthropy. See what they make of that! God bless you as you follow His leading.
Rachel (I feel like I should call you PSP still lol!),
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to congratulate you guys for your choice and encourage you, if I can.
I married when I was 18 (almost 19), dh was newly 20. We're celebrating our 14th anniversary this summer! :)
I too knew I wanted to be a SAHM/homemaker and it seemed to me a waste of my time and money to go to school, so I didn't go. Dh was finishing up school, and I worked to help him, but then quit when he finished. I've been a SAHM ever since (9+ years now). I know, different from your situation, just letting you know what we did.
I will tell you that there will be people always who feel the way you're treated (you're wasting your life, what if he leaves you, blah, blah, blah). Ignore them. I can't say it enough.
For the most part if you say your words with confidence, it will alleviate most of the nay sayers. If not, just say you and your dh have prayed about this decision, and are happy with your choice. Then pass the bean dip. They are NOT owed an explaination (this is hard for me to do).
As for what to do from here, I'd recommend that you get a home cleaning regimen down (Fly Lady is good, but whatever works for you!), so that if/when kids come, you won't be hit with both.
Do any charity work you'd like to before you start your family, and if ya'll can afford it, take any trips you would like to (if you even desire to) before kids. Other than that, ENJOY *YOUR* LIFE! Cherish it, it's your right! :)
Don't let others steal your joy.
Briar Rose
I wish I'd had your wisdom when I was newly married and in my early 20's.
ReplyDeleteI married at 19 yrs and 11 months having quit college where I had a free ride.
ReplyDeleteI was a SAHW until our dd came along. Both dh & I chose me to be home and it helped that his mom had been a SAHWife & Mom too.
No, we aren't rich or live a high life because I don't have a job. But we have a good family.
I'm finishing my homeschooling career this month after 17 yrs. In another 2 yrs we will probably have an empty nest.
I will return to being a SAHW. :)
I understand adult peer pressure. It is tough!
((hugs))
After knowing you as the Hunter and PSP, to know you as Jacob and Rachel is quite a shock, LOL!
ReplyDeleteGet used to people not liking your plan. There's just people you're not going to please, and that's ok. Frankly, I think this world needs more people who aren't so busy running around, who have time to reach out to others, meet on a whim, offer hospitality, volunteer--have TIME to CARE about others. I find your goals inspiring. Climbing Mt. Everest may be exciting (or may be like texting while driving--I've read the results of a lot of those climbers...) but I'm not sure it's all it's cracked up to be--and it's really pretty self-serving (not to knock anyone who has that heart's-desire). If people have a problem with something the Bible actually commends--hospitality, caring for others, being busy at home...well, may they see the beauty of God's spirit in you, and may the reflection of His Love be something that comes back to them later. You never know whose heart you might change by your willingness to follow in the way God leads you.
I am blessed reading your blog. Thank you for writing it. You encouraged ME... a 33 year old mother of 4. You reminded me to be the wife God has called me to, and that its a calling worth investing in. Sometimes, I forget that. So, thank you!
ReplyDeleteWe got prego at 18, our daughter was born on his 19th birthday. Not the best way to start out, I admit. We never had that time alone... we married when she was almost 2. I was in a career right off, never did college. I made great money, felt proud of myself, felt accepted, like I had to prove something after being an unwed teenage mother.
And yet...
I remember leaving my little girl at daycare, her face twisted in desperation, crying for me to not leave her there. They had to literally pry her off me some days. I went to work crying on the way there and losing myself in the long day. By the time I got home, dinner was in the microwave for me, and she was already in bed.
When she was in Kindergarten, and I was expecting our 2nd child, God called me home. There went half our income. I wish I had planned better, I just had never thought about it.
Then it became the trying to learn HOW to be a wife, HOW to be a mother, and HOW to be a home schooler.
You have your priorities straight with no regrets. You're starting off right. I suggest you print your blog out and store it somewhere special for those days when you might have the "Why did I decide to do this again??"
Thank you for encouraging me. God will use you greatly by just being available. Keep up the great work! Your husband is blessed.
BTW, I think chickens are gross and belong marinated on the grill.
Oh, and my husband is a land surveyor... close to a civil engineer. LOL