Not last night but the night before...

somebody broke into my car and ripped out my stereo and ipod. The car was left in shambles too. I had left cup with some left over chai latte in the cup holder which threw on the seat and it leaked. The dash was pulled apart, and pieces are bent, twisted, even broken off. Instead of trying the handle to the glove box, it was pried open with a screw driver, leaving a gouge. My brother's boutonniere from my wedding which was dried and adorning my dashboard is in pieces on the floorboard.

It wasn't just my car either. Multiple cars on the street, and multiple burglaries in town. One of my coworkers had his bike stolen. While Jake and I were talking to the cop about my car his radio kept going off about other streets that had had multiple burglaries. Stereos, ipods, jackets, a bottle of juice? The creepiest thing is...I think they were planning this.

A couple nights ago my sister-in-law said that her car alarm went off in the middle of the night. She's staying with her parents right now. That's where I left my car last night. I've left it there all week and Jake and I car-pool in and out of town. Her truck was also left unlocked last night. She has a nice stereo and ipod, her expensive sunglasses and purse were sitting right on the seat. But nothing was taken out of her car. Our theory is that the culprit(s) checked out the city. Hung around a couple of days, found alarms and such, and last night made a sweep. A little dramatic? Perhaps.

One of the most frustrating things is that I thought about locking my car. I went to get my sunglasses before we left, but was too lazy to fish them out of my purse, so I grabbed the whole thing (thankfully). I thought to myself "I should lock my car." But I was already halfway up the driveway, and looking forward to getting into bed. "If only" has been running through my head all day. If only I'd left my car at my parents' house. If only I'd taken my ipod home last night to charge it like I was thinking about. If only I'd taken the face plate off the stereo.

If only I'd locked my car.

According to the cop we were speaking with this morning, only unlocked cars has been targeted. No broken windows or locks. If only I'd turned around and locked the car. I rolled the windows up all the way. Why didn't I lock the doors? If only.

I've been thinking about "if only." There are a lot of "if onlys" in life. If only things had worked out between us. If only I'd left the house just a few minutes earlier. If only I'd asked for two sugars for my coffee at the drive thru. If only the Republican had been voted president. If only we'd bought a (smaller/larger) (house/car). If only. How drastically different life might be.

The fact is, you only really get one chance at life here on Earth. The words you say, the actions you do, the people you associate with. One chance. How would things change if you had done something different. We'll never know. It's hard (for me) not to get caught up in "if onlys," but it only gets me down. I don't have a stereo...so I'll just borrow Jake's truck to run errands. :)

Anger Management

I keep starting posts and then get distracted, busy, or give up. I feel like all my posts should have a purpose. They should have some moral. Something spiritual and righteous at the end. It's been more than a month since my last published post and I'm coming to realize, they don't always end that way. But this one might...

Have you ever noticed that some people are just angry? No matter what the issue is, or what you can do for them, they are angry. Even if it isn't your fault, they're angry. Like the person behind me in line at the pharmacy who is grunting because the person in front of me is taking a long time. I offer to let them go in front of me because they are obviously in a hurry, and I'm not in any rush, and they don't say thank you, and they still give an attitude to the cashier. Or the customer who's DSL is down because the phone lines aren't working properly who yells at me because AT&T can't get to the location until Friday

Life happens. Take a chill pill. Street lights turn red. The line you're in is always the slowest. The cashier just ran out of quarters. Is it really worth becoming utterly enraged when something doesn't go your way? Life just can't be that bad; can it?

My live surely isn't. I work the early shift at a cafe (at work by 6:30 am) and I start seeing customers between 7-7:30. Many mornings people tell me I'm "too perky" or "too happy this early." My response? I get paid to be there and get off at 3:30 in the afternoon. Sure it isn't ideal, but it could be worse. I used to work until 6 or 7 at night and that was no fun.

Anyways, the moral of the story is: don't be a downer and angry all the time because people around will be bummed out.

R U kidding me?

Why does texting while driving need to be outlawed? I don't disagree, because it's DUMB TO DO, but that is just my point: it's a stupid thing to do. Why do there have to be laws against stupid things? Making texting illegal isn't going to stop it from happening. And it's just DUMB!!

Don't text and drive. Not because there may be laws against it in your area, but because you'd be dumb to do it. End of story.

Here we go again

So we got all moved in. We're finally getting adjusted to living 20 miles away from town. Once we're in town, we're in for the day. We bring the dogs in, a change of clothes, and sometimes laundry (because we haven't got our washer hooked up yet.) But things are up in the air again. Two days after we got totally moved in and the new renters moved in to the house we were in, we get a call. "Something is going on, we may be coming home." I can't say much about the situation (it is the internet after all) but we may be moving again. We've been looking at places too rent, and even to buy. There are not many rentals around that cost any less than a house payment, and they wont even let us have dogs. So basically we've decided that if we are going to be paying X amount in rent, why not be putting that into a house payment? Nothing is for sure yet, but it makes us feel more prepared to be looking. Likely we'll move into his parent's basement for a little while, especially if we have to be out by the weekend.

Anyways, this whole moving thing has really been a hassle. It took us a week to move into the house (mainly because we didn't have time to pack everything up before we started the process) and let me tell you, that week was pretty pitiful in the "investing in our marriage" realm. Both of us were tired, cranky, and just annoyed. We've finally got into the swing of things, enjoying the commute together (leaving one of our vehicles in town), remembering to get the dogs before heading back home, and even not being home in time to make dinner. Who knows what will happen this time around.

More than half of our stuff is still packed though. So that's cool...

His love guides me

Life is kinda upside down right now. Jake and I are moving in less than a week and I haven't packed anything. In less than two hours I'm going to be going to OR for a couple days. It's bow season, so Jake is up before dawn and home after dark. It's football season (he coaches JV at the high school) so he's stressed with that. Family is, well...interesting. But the one thing that keeps me going: Christ.

Christ is the constant in my life. My family is faithful, but they are human. My friends love me, but they are human. God is the only one in my life who will never let me down, even when I'm lame. This isn't a revolutionary thought to me, or to many of you I'm sure, but I still need to remind myself of it from time to time. What a relief it is to remember.

Hakuna Matata

Yesterday I was walking down the street on my way to work, and I parked on the side of the street was a large while truck.It looked like the grill was growing some foliage. "What did they drive through?" As I got closer, it looked like the "leaves" were moving. I walked right up the truck and noticed something weird about the "leaves." They weren't leaves at all. The entire grill and bumper of this truck was covered in butterflies. Little, helpless monarch butterflies. Their wings were left to blow in the wind. One of the butterflies floated lifelessly down to the street. I followed it's movement to the ground and saw some more bodies scattered across the asphalt. It looked like a battlefield. I stood in awe, thinking about the cloud of butterflies this truck must have driven through to be so thoroughly coated in guts. I'd like to say that I was filled with creativity and inspired to write a powerful blog, however, as I walked in the door I forgot about the butterflies.

Later in the evening while I was sweeping in the lounge, I found myself looking out the window towards the parking space that the truck had been in hours earlier. I noticed the parking space because it was now full of crows. I looked closer and noticed that they were all picking up dead butterflies. Again, I'd like to say that I was filled with inspiration, or that I suddenly had a deeper knowledge or understanding of some profound topic...but instead my co-worker and I started singing this:

Insecurity exists in the absence of knowledge

Last night I had a chance to be completely vulnerable to Jake. I worked really hard to put aside my insecurities and tried to keep my mind from getting in the way. I really feel so much closer to my husband now. I am even more confident that he loves me. I am even more confident that he wants me. I tried to explain this to him, and he really doesn't get it. But there are things that I don't get about him, so it evens out. We just trust that we are being completely honest with each other, and everything else falls into place.

Knowing that Jake will listen to A, do B, and isn't ashamed of knowing C feeds my confidence. Having someone I can bare my soul too and not have to be afraid of ridicule or mockery is truly freeing. It also compels me to do the same for him.

Marriage is a blast.

Help from above

We're moving. Not far. Only a few miles away. But a friend of ours and his family are missionaries over seas, and for the 10 months of the year that they are gone they let people stay in their house for free. The last two years one of the their nieces stayed there because she was going to school near by. This year, they asked us if we would like to stay there. Jake and I talked about the pros and cons for about 27 seconds before we decided "YES!" Besides having a free place to live, it gives us something to tell people when they ask "So what are your life plans?" Now we say "Well, we're living free at a friend's house for a few months, and we're going to be saving up some money. We're praying at this point, and hopefully in 10 months we'll have a better idea of where God wants us, and we'll have the finances to get there." It kills two birds with one stone. The "Are you two young people with a big TV really being wise with your money?" question and it lets them think that we're saving up for whatever it is that they think we should do with our lives: own a house, go to a big college, or start a family or a business...whatever.

God is good. All the time.

Created to be His Door Mat?

Well I've only thrown the book across the room once. I've skimmed the majority of the book, and it's started some interesting conversations with my hubby. There are some very good points. There are some things I would have written differently, not because it would change the actual meaning of what she is trying to say, but because it might come across less abrasive. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being blunt, but I think there is a difference between being blunt and down right offensive. Granted, people interpret things differently.

I've started the book over again, and with pen and journal in hand, I've started my mission to really take everything I can from this book. I'm not determined to prove everything she has to say to be false. After all, her concepts (for the most part) are Biblically based. But, as my husband puts it, she takes an idea and writes herself into a box, where she gets trapped and has no point of escape other than to deny something she's already written.

The scare tactics don't impress me either. Who really gets the glory when a woman is scared into submitting to her husband with threats of divorce, delinquent children, and dead-end jobs? Not that those things couldn't happen, but to tell a woman that the baby sitter will be having sex with a boyfriend while the kids run rampant through the house, and she'll only be able to get a crappy job and wont be able to afford to fix her broken car all because she writes in to ask how she should handle the fact that her hubby watches things on TV with the kids that are inappropriate...seems a little like overkill to me.

Thus far, there isn't really anything in the book that is new information. Jake and I had the privilege of participating in the Love and Respect study by Emerson Eggerichs in our couple's study when we got back from our honeymoon. We didn't enter our marriage with any serious issues (other than the fact that we are both sinful, selfish human beings) but we've taken the teachings and Biblical application of the study and put it into practice in our own marriage. Submitting to and respecting my husband isn't a profound concept to me, and it is something that I consciously do every day. Debi...I dare you to shock me with your grand wisdom.

:D

So I have a new book

Two of the ladies in the couple's Bible study Jake and I go to gave me a book last night. They just about swear by it. Perhaps you've heard of it (if you're a Christian wife, you probably have). Created to be his Help Meet by Debi Pearl. I read bit of it last night. So far it's talked about helping your husband, having a merry heart, and being joyful. None of those are controversial or inherently unbiblical topics, right? But from the moment I had the book in my hands, I've been struggling to read it with an unbiased attitude. I want to read it. Gotta give it a fair shot, right? And the ladies who gave it to me are wonderful Christian women with great insight into marriage and life, and are totally great wives. I've always thought of them as very wise women. Why would they give me a bad book? But I couldn't help but think that the book was focused on turning Christian wives into drones. I'm not sure why. But that was my gut feeling when I was handed the book.

Today I've been surfin' around trying to find some reviews on the book, and so far I've found nothing but complaints. "Unscriptural," "deceiving," and "dangerous" are more common descriptions. I guess some of that discerning wisdom my mom has has rubbed off on me. ;)

SL Ladies, I'm so glad I have a way to talk to you (almost) directly. I've always valued your insights and opinions. What do you think about this book (if you've read it)? I've decided I'm going to read it so I can talk about it with the ladies, and other women who may read it through out the years. I'm going to keep a journal while reading it to keep track of my thoughts, where I do or don't agree, and where my scriptural support is found. As it will probably take me a couple of weeks to do this (it's a fairly good sized book, and taking notes always makes things take longer) I'm sure I'll be posting some of my rants here. Ta-ta for now!

Oh I feel much better now

So I've been praying basically all day. Shortly after I wrote my last blog, (in the shower praying) I suddenly felt this weight lifted off me. I was really OK with not knowing the future. Would knowing the future really help me with decisions I have to make today? It didn't work out so great for Abraham when he took Hagar.

So, I just wanted you all to know that I'm no longer in despair. I'd still like to know what the future holds, but I'm OK not knowing. Tonight at the couples' Bible study Jake and I go to one of the ladies asked (in fact a few of them did) if we'd had any revelations about our life together, regarding the future. (we had asked the group to be praying for us for guidance a few weeks ago). I didn't feel intimidated, defensive, ashamed, or pressured at all!! And as soon as Jake heard the question he ran over and said "Our five year plan is to win the lottery." He totally got to be my protector (a big plus for him). Being able to talk to my husband about things that are troubling me is really a great thing. I wish I had been humble enough to come to him in the first place. Things would have been much less tense around here the past few weeks. Anyways, I was able to just say "We really don't know, but I feel OK with that. Which is really great." And this lady (a dear friend of mine) cheerfully said "I've been thinking about you guys lately, and I thought of something: you're learning to be married! That's what your life looks like right now, and it's OK!" I just smiled and secretly rolled my eyes. Duh, I figured that out ages (translation: hours) ago.

Jake and I are learning how to love each other like Christ loves the church. That's our five year plan. Whatever happens along the way, as long as we're glorifying the Lord and seeking his wisdom, isn't anything to worry about.

One thing about being a newlywed...

There are so many people "suggesting" that we do things a certain way. Have kids right now. Wait five years. Move to a big city. Get a career started. Work for a big corporation. Own a big house. So much pressure to know what life will look like. "When is Jake getting his engineering license?" "Are you pregnant yet?" "When will you buy a house" "How many kids are you going to have?" "Are you ready for next semester?" "How's your nursing career coming along?" And so on. I have one question for all of them:

When you had been married six months, did you have it all figured out?!

What is this obsession with a "five year plan?" Why do we even have to know what is going to happen in the next six months? We're learning how to be married right now. We're learning how to trust God with our future.
How come thats not enough?

I understand being interested in what our lives are going to look like. People have invested in our lives and they're genuinely curious. I would be to! I just wish that I didn't feel so looked down upon for not knowing what the future holds. "We're waiting on God" sounds like we're not making any effort. "We don't know" sounds like we're not taking life seriously. I wish we knew. I really do. Last night I cried for an hour about not knowing. We're talking big alligator tears and a bed full of tissues. Jake doesn't have quite the dramatic reaction to it, but he was right there with me.

I actually am very nervous about not knowing. I know that whatever happens, God will provide for us, and trust him completely. I'm still scared.

Let me never be like Job's wife.

I've been reading Job over the past couple of days. I'm only a couple chapters into it, and already I'm mad. I knew the story of Job: bod things happen to a good guy, he never really knows why. I also knew that he had crappy friends, but I never realized how crappy.

So far, his friends have judged his relationship with God, accused him of not confessing his sins, and told him that he must deserve what is happening to him. Great support system, right? On top of that, what makes me the maddest, is even his own wife thinks the same things, and makes her opinion known. Low blow. I know that if Jake was going through something, no matter what it is, or how I feel about it, it is my job to support him. When friends fall away, parents are disappointed...I am here to build him up. And it's all that matters to him. Seriously. Jake gets some pretty harebrained ideas from time to time, and it doesn't matter if the whole world is against him, as long as I am on his side, he might think he could fly off a building. (I try not to let the power go to my head.)

I can't imagine how devastated Job is after his wife loosing hope in him. And it even happens first! Common woman...buck up!