Two of the ladies in the couple's Bible study Jake and I go to gave me a book last night. They just about swear by it. Perhaps you've heard of it (if you're a Christian wife, you probably have). Created to be his Help Meet by Debi Pearl. I read bit of it last night. So far it's talked about helping your husband, having a merry heart, and being joyful. None of those are controversial or inherently unbiblical topics, right? But from the moment I had the book in my hands, I've been struggling to read it with an unbiased attitude. I want to read it. Gotta give it a fair shot, right? And the ladies who gave it to me are wonderful Christian women with great insight into marriage and life, and are totally great wives. I've always thought of them as very wise women. Why would they give me a bad book? But I couldn't help but think that the book was focused on turning Christian wives into drones. I'm not sure why. But that was my gut feeling when I was handed the book.
Today I've been surfin' around trying to find some reviews on the book, and so far I've found nothing but complaints. "Unscriptural," "deceiving," and "dangerous" are more common descriptions. I guess some of that discerning wisdom my mom has has rubbed off on me. ;)
SL Ladies, I'm so glad I have a way to talk to you (almost) directly. I've always valued your insights and opinions. What do you think about this book (if you've read it)? I've decided I'm going to read it so I can talk about it with the ladies, and other women who may read it through out the years. I'm going to keep a journal while reading it to keep track of my thoughts, where I do or don't agree, and where my scriptural support is found. As it will probably take me a couple of weeks to do this (it's a fairly good sized book, and taking notes always makes things take longer) I'm sure I'll be posting some of my rants here. Ta-ta for now!
Chloe fan here--
ReplyDeleteI've not read THIS book, but I have read several "better wife" books--Christian and non-Christian. I believe most of them are rubbish unless you are seeking help in a particular area.
I tried to be perfect early on in my marriage. You know what? I made myself and dh miserable that first year. My husband's idea of a good wife was simply ME--with all my imperfections. Notice - I didn't say perfect wife, but good one.
Instead of reading a book, why not talk to Jake about what he feels is important in his wife.
There should be three people in your marriage--you, Jake and God. Don't let others try to creep in. He married YOU!!! Not a clone and I doubt he wants you to change.
I read the book, and was truthfully a bit put off by it. I found their use of scripture out of context and my husband (who used to be a minister) did not like it either.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I didn't throw the baby out with the bathwater...I got what I could out of it but I had to be very discerning. And then I flung it in the back of my closet, where it probably still is. :)
I agree with by mom who said your marriage should be between you, your hubby and God. Talk to your hubby about it for sure!
I have read the book, and even used it as a jump off point for a ladies Bible study. I think there is some good stuff in there, but you need to let God convict you of areas that need work, not Debi Pearl, and not other people.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading marriage and parenting books, but I never feel that I need to swallow their advice hook, line and sinker. I glean good bits from many sources, and spit out a lot of what I read, because it doesn't fit, or feel right.
For me, Debi's book reminded me that my dh does not need me to be his Holy Spirit, but his partner. And that I have some areas of idleness that I really should focus more on. Maybe next time I read that book, or another, God will have a new area that I need to focus on.... Part of that whole "work in progress" thing.
I have read the book and found some nuggets in there. You just need to winnow the chaff as you go ;)
ReplyDeleteI think your approach of journaling and searching out the scriptures is a great way to approach this "controversial" book. Reading God's word and comparing it to Debi's interpretation of His word is a good way to discern :)
I was not happy with this book when our ladies bible study first started reading it together. I almost quit the study. Debi has some tough things to say to wives in there. But I stuck it out and am glad I did. She does have some challenging but God-honoring things to say that will make you think.
ReplyDeleteA good friend always says that when you feel yourself strongly resisting certain biblical ideas (or scriptures) be prepared for growth in that area. She was right in my case. Give it a read. Don't worry about what others think about it- pray and let the Holy Spirit guide you.
Blessings!
(PS: I married at 19 and after 17 years and 2 children, we are happier and more in love than ever! Enjoy!)
Fling it into the circular file now. There may be some nuggets to glean, but honestly, there is so much detritus to sort through that your time would be better spent elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteYour time is more valuable than this book.
It really is ok to not complete every single book you receive. Appreciate the spirit in which it was given to you, and move on, IMO.
Its disturbing at best. More of the old fashioned garbage about your abusive dh's behavior being your fault. yuck.
ReplyDeleteI saw your blog link in your mom's sig at SL!