Father's Day! and why Daddy's near death experience is indeed a laughing matter

First off, go read my mom's blog here to see how awesome my Daddy is. As a bonus, there is a lovely picture of my brother and I showing how much we love each other. The second picture of us is nice, too.

Anyways, this post is about my Dad. He's the best dad. He just is. He tucked us in. He read aloud to us. He played games with us. He would swim all day with us. He also worked really hard so my mom could stay home with Brother and I. He's kind, caring, loving, and generous. He was firm when he needed to be, and tender when other fathers wouldn't have been. I told a story in my post Let's Talk About Body Image of when he told me that I was beautiful despite and because of my rear end stretch marks. He also somehow was able to admit to me that guys would find it, the rear end that is, enjoyable to look at. Turns out he was right. THANKS DADDY.

Well, I guess talking about Dad and my rear in the same paragraph isn't exactly the best father's day card ever. But I did get him a pretty awesome card. It had Superman on the front and said "You've always been my hero...but I never want to see you in tights and cape." Then, when you open it, it plays the Superman theme song. (Starting at 43 seconds) He spent the rest of dinner opening the card anytime he was going to talk. And then anytime the conversation moved away from him. And then anytime he entered a room. And then...well then basically he carried it around all night and the house was filled with the Superman Theme for hours.

Through history, (Hollywood history, that is) there have been some awesome dads. Superman? He would be cool to have as a dad, except that you wouldn't know he was your dad because he would be busy hiding his identity.

Mufasa from The Lion King. Tell me you don't at least feel a pang of sadness when he dies. I know I'm a blubbering mess. Even so, Simba is kind of a spoiled brat. Things would have been different if his dad wouldn't have died, though. I don't see Mufasa taking a lot of that "I'm a king" crap. And he died trying to save his son, so he gets points for that.







Daniel Hillard, played by Robin Williams, was, if nothing else, a very dedicated dad. When life as he knows it crumbles and his ex-wife refuses to let him see the kids as often as he likes he dresses up as a women named Mrs. Doubtfire and gets hired as a nanny. It gets a little weird when his son walks in on him in the bathroom while he's peeing standing up, but all is forgiven in the end.

Guido Orefice, Life is Beautiful. If you haven't seen this movie yet and decide to watch it, make sure to take a box (or six) of tissues. This is one of my favorite Movie Dads. Here's the story: Jewish book keeper Guido lives a lovely, quiet life with his wife and young son, Giosuè. And then the Nazis come and take them all to a concentration camp. Guido initially saves Giosuè from being killed with the other children by hiding him in the barracks and then convinces him that their time in the camp is actually a big game. A game where Giosuè needs to be quiet and hide, a lot, simultaneously saving his life and protecting him from the horrors of the concentration camp. SPOILER: In the end, the Americans come into the camp to save the day, but not before Guido is shot and killed. Just moments before he manages to hide his son away one last time and Giosuè is saved by the Americans.

So to all you dads out there, thanks for all you do. And to my very special Dad, remember when I would hold on to your legs when you would have to go to work and you would end up dragging me down the hall because I wasn't willing to let you go? I still love you that much and would rather you didn't have to work so we could hang out all the time.

Here is a funny story, before you go, about Dad. Well, it's not so much about Dad as it is involving Dad. Let me preface this with a little back history: when Dad gets hurt, it's kinda funny. Not if he's really hurt, like bleeding everywhere. Then it's not funny. But when he's a little hurt, like hammering his finger, he hops around in big circles and does his best not to curse. Once we find out that he is not in fact seriously injured, it is a little hard not to giggle. This infuriates him, which makes me sad, but sometimes I can't help it. My mom especially can't help it.


Ok, back to the story. So one day Dad was, well I've actually forgotten what exactly he was doing, but he was doing something on the roof. Perhaps getting rid of cobwebs under the eaves or screwing in hooks for Christmas lights. I think it was the Christmas light hooks because I remember it was wintertime and it was starting to snow. If that wasn't what he was doing, well let's just go with it. And if it wasn't winter, let's just go with that too. It makes the story better. Anyways, instead of climbing a ladder to the tall roof line Dad decided it would be easier to lay down on the roof and inch towards the ledge. He figured he would be able to hang off the roof ever so slightly to screw in the hangers. Very sound logic. Apparently it had been working because he had worked his way over to the far end of the house. Head down and arms hanging over the eave, Dad suddenly found himself slipping. See, living in the wilderness means that you get more rigorous exercise in your day to day life than you do in the city. This was our first winter on the mountain and he discovered that very day that without even noticing it he had indeed lost an inch or two from his waist line. And because of that, he was suddenly slipping head first off the roof.


Somehow he managed to not fall off the roof (probably with some amazing Spider Man like agility) and he quickly ran inside to tell us all about his near death experience. As he is talking, Mom, the ever gentle, loving, and caring wife that she is, is sitting on the couch looking like she is about to burst. When the story is over, dear old Daddy patiently asks Mom why she looks like she will explode into laughter at the thought of his demise. She responds like so:


"I was just realizing that we would have found you dead due to obvious head trauma on the side of the house...with your pants around your ankles!" And that was all she wrote, folks. Mother, Brother and I were practically rolling on the floor in tears. Brother then pointed out that we might not have found him for a while because it was starting to snow and he could have just been covered up.

"We might not have found you until Spring!" Apparently that was even more than we could handle because at that point we were literally on the floor in tears.


I'm not implying that death by falling off the roof head first is any laughing matter. But you have to admit: it would have been at least a little odd to have found Dearest Dad dead with his pants around his ankles. There would have been no explanation at all. I still crack up when I think about it. That night at dinner we each took turns writing Dad's eulogy, making up stories about him being a roof nudist. He would have been the nudest roof dweller in the land. And that, my friends (if you still want to be my friends after this horrifying story) is my Father's Day Story.