Posts

So I totally flaked and haven't been over here letting you all know when I've been updating my blog over on wordpress. But I have been posting.

So if you haven't already, and if you're still interested at all, feel free to hop on over to www.sandalsinthesnow.com to catch up. I've missed you. :D

Four Years Ago Today...

New post up at www.sandalsinthesnow.com

Continuing to figure out the internet

Come see how I've been conquering the interweb over at my new site

www.sandalsinthesnow.com

Captain America

Come to my new wordpress site to see my post on Captain America.

www.sandalsinthesnow.com

Travel Blog

If you hadn't heard, I've moved to WordPress. Come see me at www.sandalsinthesnow.com. I just made a new post.

To read about the crazy adventure Jake and I are going to be taking this fall, CLICK HERE!

Slow and steady wins the race

In case you missed it the first time: I've moved over to WordPress. www.sandalsinthesnow.com is my new page.

Well, I'm in the process of moving. It's hard getting everything in order over there.

Please visit me at www.sandalsinthesnow.com and tell me what you think! I also am asking for some feedback over there, if you wouldn't mind.

CLICK HERE!

Lost in (Cyber)Space

So not only am I moving my blog over to wordpress, but I'm desperately trying to learn internet jargon as fast as I can so I can keep up with learning how to move it efficiently and completely.

As I just exclaimed loudly to my mom, who is sitting across the table from me,

Learning the internet is HARD!

So my writing will likely be taking a back seat to learning the internet. I have things I really want to write about, though. For instance, Jake and I just bought a tandem bike. It's super fun and I can't wait to tell you all about it. Also, I have some recipes I'd like to share with you. But, I'm going to a blog conference with mom in three weeks and would like to have the technical side of things dealt with by then. So if you don't see much from me in the next couple weeks you'll know where I am...

I'm just lost in cyberspace.

Moving to WordPress

My mommy made me.

So I'm working on that. It's really confusing and makes my head hurt. I want to quit and I've only been at it for a few hours. I've already called her six or seven times tonight just to have her tell me I'm doing the right thing. Not that she had the guts to do it herself. No, she's making her own daughter walk through the fire before her. Harumph. I see how it is.

But I guess she's sorta right. If I plan on making this (at the very least) an involved hobby, I may as well make this switch while I only have 14 readers. Although, I did have 175 views after I finished our courtship story. I guess I'll be posting more about that. So, all 175 of you, can you please follow me over to WordPress? Or at least can the 14 of you come looking for me if you don't see anything from me in for a while?

Feel free to check it out. It's totally still a work in progress, so be patient with me. Looks like all my posts and comments moved over there, but it's much more complicated to play with Widgets and make the page look how I want. Also, while my links are intact, they all bring you back to blogger. Not that I'm against that, but I guess the point of moving to WordPress is to be self contained over there. So I have to figure out if there is an easier way to fix them that doesn't involved updating each link individually. I am not hopeful of an easy fix.


sandalsinthesnow.com

Look Mom, I have a domain name!

Label me

I need a label. One that isn't limiting. One that can change with me over the years. If I'm going to keep at this blog thing for a while then I don't want to put myself in a corner with the identity I choose.

I thought about Young Wife, but I won't always be a young wife. I thought about something to do with infertility, but I won't always be childless. I like dogs, but I don't want to only write about my dogs. They aren't always that interesting anyways. I thought "City Girl in a Small Town" but I may not always live in a small town. Also I really don't write that much about living in a small town. Can you think of something else that you think fits me or my blog better? I'm looking for real feedback here.

Right now I'm leaning towards 

My Mother's Daughter

What do you think? I like it because, well, I am her daughter in many more ways than people may even realize. Also, I will ALWAYS be her daughter. And most of my readership are her fans anyways. Instant readers right there. ;)

Mom and I are going to a blog conference in August and I'd like to be somewhat set up by the time we go. I'm actually getting pretty excited about it. I had wanted to write or do some sort of journalism in high school and college and maybe this is the way I can do that.

Thanks in advance!

Things you just shouldn't say

"When are you two having kids?"

Just don't ask. That's all I'm saying. Especially if you know that they're trying. Especially if you know they're trying to avoid. Especially if you don't know either way, because frankly it's none of your bleepin' business.

Just don't ask.

Not only will you be over stepping the bounds of polite conversation, but at the very least you'll be annoying.

It could be worse. You could really hurt someone. You likely won't know that you're causing pain, but it's true. An excruciating pain caused by a heart silently breaking into a million pieces.

Don't ask unless you have permission to ask. If you don't know what having permission is, then you don't have it.

And on more personal note:
When someone is talking about buying a puppy, don't you dare say "Just have a baby," when you know damn well that the puppy would actually just be a substitute for the baby they so desperately want. Especially if you are saying this while holding your one year old child that you had on accident while using birth control. If you had a baby on accident and have never struggled with infertility you don't get to suggest anything.

You can carry me in your purse wherever you go

We can play all day

Luckily this one keeps pretty good, if somewhat lazy company.

Can someone pass the brownies?

The Suitor Asks A Question

If this is your first time here please begin the story here with part one
part two
part three

I loved every minute of Europe. Well, except for the ones that I spent crying on the phone with my mom in the hotel stairway in Amsterdam. Those were not very good minutes. I missed home, and almost everyone else in the group wanted to spend the whole time getting stoned and wandering through the red light district. I didn't enjoy those minutes days at all.

But this is not a time for a sob story. This is a time for a love story.

I had a feeling while I was in Europe that Jake would propose within two weeks of my return. I honestly thought he would do it sooner, but I was trying to be at least a little realistic.

My plane landed in San Francisco on August 3rd, 2007 at 12:15am. While flying from D.C. to S.F. my friend Nat and I were giggling about how romantic it would be if Jake were at the airport waiting for me and proposed on the spot. She had her camera ready when we landed...just in case. But it was just my parents. Not that I wasn't happy to see them. I had missed them too. I just...well, wanted to see the man I was in love with. I was excited to get to be home for more than four days with him.

We, the parents and I, grabbed a bite to eat at IHOP and then headed home. Five hours later we were there. During the drive I blabbed about my trip for a while, and dozed off for a bit as well. I never figured out how long my flight actually was with time zone changes and everything, but I think I had been up for 40-45 hours by the time we got back home. We, my roommates in Europe, didn't exactly spend our last night in Spain sleeping.

When we arrived home Jake was there waiting. He had spent the night with my brother so he could see me as soon as possible. I was SOOOO happy to see him and ran immediately into his arms. In my mind it was very much like this:

or this

or even this

In any case, I was very happy to be home. Once I was able to pry myself away, I took a shower, changed clothes and decided that it would be best if I just stayed up all day and got used to the time zone right away. Jake, not wanting to leave me, offered to take me to town for some breakfast. On our way there we were talking about how great it was that I was home and how happy we were to finally be together. He said something to the effect of "The hard part is over, you're home now," to which I jokingly replied, "Well, we don't really know. We haven't even been in the same country for more than three weeks before." He asked if I’d like to go to dinner that night. I told him that I thought I would be too tired, but we could the next night.

Suddenly, instead of breakfast, which I was beginning to really want, Jake said we needed to make a detour to his parents’ house to let the dogs out because they were out of town. But, considering I was sleep deprived and ecstatic just to be with him, I didn't think anything of his sudden change in direction. I patiently sat in the truck while he went inside to deal with the dogs. I wondered what he was doing in there because I could see him pacing back and forth through the whole house. But I was starting to dose off, I didn't wonder  too hard about it.

He finally came out of the house and opened my door. I swung my legs out so I was facing out of the truck. He looked at me for a long time and then he kissed me gently and hugged me hard. I remember that I could feel his heart pounding, quite literally punching me in the chest. His arms were shaking very badly. I thought to myself "Man, we need to get breakfast right away or he's going to faint," and then I heard something. He was fumbling behind my back, but why? I heard the glove box open. Hmm, what could he be looking for in there? And then…

The click. The click I somehow knew by heart. The click of a jewelry box opening. Specifically, a ring box. Then it all fell into place. I suddenly understood. Trembling, Jake leaned back and brought the velvety teal box into view.

"Rachel, will you marry me?"

Now, if Jake was telling this story, he would say that I paused here for a very long time. Long enough for him to become nervous. But the truth is I was simply stunned into silence. It wasn't unexpected. I knew he would propose. I just was thinking it would be within two weeks, not two hours. It quickly made sense why he’d been acting just a little weird all morning. But the ring! It was exactly what I had always wanted, and I didn't remember ever telling him that. Princess cut, high setting, white gold. And it was way bigger than I even imagined I would have. In my head I was saying "YES! YES! YES!" but apparently my mouth was not doing the same.

I looked up at him and knew by the look of panic in his eyes that I had yet to answer aloud. I remember thinking very distinctly, Silly man, of course I’m going to say yes. "YES!" and I kissed him again. He let out the breath he had been holding for who knows how long. He slid the ring on my finger and it was just a little too big. Luckily there was a jeweler in town. In the car we went. I practically ran into the store wanting to showcase my new fiancé and my new ring. The jeweler was somehow able to determine that I had just received it, perhaps because neither of us could stop smiling or perhaps because our hands were grasped so tight they were white, and told us he'd have it done for us by the afternoon.

Then we had to wait. Well, we didn't have to, but I wanted to tell our parents first. His mom was out of town and doesn't answer the phone while she's driving, and my parents were asleep, having just completed a marathon drive to and from San Francisco in one night. Ugh. So we waited, and waited, and waited. We kept bumping into people we knew in town and it was very hard not to just blab it to everyone, but somehow we made it.

Finally around two my mom woke up. “How was your day, guys?”

“Just fine. We got some breakfast, let (in-laws’) dogs out for a bit, got engaged, went to the park, grabbed some lunch…”

“Oh that’s nice.” Then we saw the realization of what we had said set in. “Wait, what?”

My parents knew we would be engaged that day. They were in on the plan. The plan, I learned, had been coming together for some time. Jake and Brother had spent the day before I got home making a banana cream pie, my favorite. The plan was that Jake would take me to dinner at the romantic restaurant in town. The restaurant my brother happened to work in as a dish washer. The plan was that after dinner we would order dessert to go, and Brother would pack up our pie with the ring in it. The plan was that we would go to a romantic lake nearby, one at which we had had many dates. I would open the pie box, find the ring, he would get down on one knee, I would squeal with delight, say yes as the sun set over the lake, and we’d live happily ever after.

But I ruined the plan.

I made a stupid joke. Apparently something is lost in translation when I’m jet lagged and haven’t slept in two days and it sounded like I said "Well, we'll see." When I said I was too tired to go to dinner Jake became extra worried about what I had said and didn’t want to wait until the next night to propose. He wanted to make sure we were on the same page as soon as possible. So he proposed right away, standing in his parents’ driveway at 8am.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And we did live happily ever after

The Suitor Makes A Long Distance Call

New to the story? Catch up with Part One and Part Two

Sure enough, Jake passed "the test" and a couple days later, May 1st to be exact, he called me first thing in the morning and asked me out. We went on our first real date that night and he asked me to be his girlfriend.

Our first public outing as a couple: our friend's wedding

As I said, I was going to be leaving the country for about 2.5 months. May 18^th I was going to leave America to spend six weeks in Mexico studying Spanish. I would come home for barely four days and then jet off to Europe for a month long tour. 8 countries, 15 cities, 30 days. Pretty jam packed. This summer had been planned for months and months, long before Jake was ever part of the picture and Mom wouldn’t let me back out. I’m glad she didn’t, in retrospect, but it was sure hard leaving Jake at the airport that morning.

Our relationship progressed very quickly. We spent almost every waking moment together. Not only were we wanting to spend time together but we were trying to learn everything there was to learn about each other before we would be forced into a 6 week, 2000 mile separation. I say this with complete earnest: thank God for the invention of the telephone, the instant message, email, and Skype. We used all of them to stay in contact while I was in Mexico. I was living with my uncle while I was going to school there and Jake bought a long distance calling card. Uncle let me use his phone until the wee hours of the morning as long as Jake called. And he did call. Every night.

Happy to be talking to my man

 He also had written me letters and snuck them in my suitcase before I left. One letter for every day I would be gone. He told me that he had started writing them even before he knew that I liked him. He said “I decided that if I wasn’t dating you by the time you left for Mexico I wanted to make sure you had something to remind you of me while you were gone. I figured if we were dating by the time you left for Mexico, well, then you’d have something from me to look forward to every morning.” How sweet is that?! If I wasn’t already completely smitten with him by then that might have been the push I needed. I intended to open ONLY one letter a day. My resolve lasted about two days and then I opened them all and devoured every word. They were so much fun to read. They were simple notes reminding me that he missed me. Some had funny stories, some talked about things he aspired to. Each letter had a bit of scripture to meditate on that day. Some had coupons that I could redeem upon my return to the states – foot rubs, date night ideas, kisses in the rain, romantic stuff like that. It was really hard not to just get on a plane and head back home.

But we made it through. It was during this time in Mexico that I realized that not only did I truly love Jake, but I really wanted to marry him. And soon. I *cough* started looking at wedding dresses and day dreaming about our life together. Did you know that you can customize your own wedding party on the David’s Bridal website? Pick the colors, the tuxes, the dresses, number in the wedding party, even the location back drop. Well, at least you could in the summer of 2007.

Finally June 30^th came and I was on a plane headed home. It's not that I didn't enjoy my time in Mexico and learn a lot, but I really missed Jake and my family and was ready to come home. Also, before we started dating we agreed that we wouldn't kiss before I left for Mexico. He'd never kissed a girl before (or a guy, just for the record) and I wasn't sure how the long distance thing would work out. I didn't want him to regret using his first kiss on someone he dated for three weeks. So, my coming home also meant that we were finally gonna smooch. I'm not gonna lie...we were pretty excited. 

My parents surprised me by letting Jake pick me up at the airport. But, for some reason that I don't remember, we decided to wait for "the kiss" until the next day. Jet lag maybe? It seems silly now, but I guess we just wanted everything to be as perfect as possible. The airline lost my luggage somewhere in Dallas, but it didn't matter because I was finally in his strong arms again. 

The next day he took me to a very romantic restaurant in a very romantic town and we went for a very romantic walk through a very romantic park. If you're ever in Southern Oregon, shoot me an email and I'll tell you all about it. Amazing. We had a very romantic first kiss too. Just like the movies. He was shaking so badly I was a little concerned that the wooden bridge we were standing on might splinter apart, and then he swooped in so fast that he missed and kissed my chin. But it didn't matter. He was so adorable I let him have a second try. All I'll say is: he's a natural.

I got good at multitasking in Europe

On July 4th, 2007 my parents and Jake and I packed up in the car and drove to San Francisco so I could get on another plane on the 5th and go to Europe. I wanted very badly to see Europe, but this time leaving was so much harder. Jake had made it abundantly clear that he wanted to marry me too and I thought he might propose on Pier 39 and I was quickly talking myself out of going at all. But, Mom had bought me a cell phone that would work across the pond and Jake had re-uped his long distance calling card. I wouldn't have as much access to a computer as I had in Mexico but we could still talk. The 8 hour time difference was a bit of an issue, but Jake was awesome and took the crappy hours to talk. All in all I'm really glad I went, and hope to be able to go back with Jake some day. Maybe I'll write another post someday about my adventures in Europe. I truly had an amazing time, despite pining away for my true love waiting for me in California. 

Little did I know, while I was flying from San Francisco International Airport to Heathrow, Jake was sitting nervously in the car with my parents for the 6 hour car ride home working up the nerve to ask them permission to marry me.While I was out gallivanting through various European countries, Jake was carefully buying an engagement ring out of town, trying to avoid the small town gossip. Of course, my brother blabbed it, but it didn't matter anyways. I was a whole ocean away. Who was going to spoil it for me? Certainly not my mom, who, when I told her that I was certain Jake would propose within two weeks of my return denied knowing anything about anything. Little sneak. ;)

Did I say yes? Click here to see.

The Suitor Finds A Way

See the beginning of the story HERE

Jake is five years older than me. It isn’t an issue for us now. It was when we wanted to start dating, though. Not an issue for us, per se, but an issue for people around us. I was 18, but technically still a high schooler. Jake, since moving back home after college, was very involved in student ministry at church. The rule was that students and staff couldn’t date. Hmmm...

Probably pondering his future with me

That didn't deter him too much. He planned a bbq for friends at the lake. He offered to come check my car while I was at work. I planned a movie night at my house. I also started going to the college Bible study he had been going to for years. Someone very wise once told me "Don't chase guys...but don't be afraid to get in their way." Yes, I started going to this particular Bible study because Jake was there. And I'm not ashamed to say so.

 So now it's the middle of April. One Sunday after church I mentioned to Jake in passing that I was going to take Jackie to the lake. It was a gorgeous day and she really needed a bath.

He showed up. We sat on the shore and talked all afternoon. We talked about everything and nothing. That night we continued the conversation at the college Bible study I was attending because he was there. Late that night on the drive home I noticed my gas light was on and needed to get gas before I went home. He followed me to the gas station and pumped my gas for me. As I drove away from the gas station, watching him watch me drive away in my rearview mirror, I had a revelation: I liked him. I went home and cried at my mom. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to fall for Jake. I was actually a little pissed about it.

He called me the next day. Apparently we were both thinking the same thing: enough tip toeing...we needed to talk about this. He called to ask if I would be interested in going to get dessert with him. He wanted to talk with me about "some stuff." Before I even had a chance to answer he asked me what my dad's cell number was because he wanted to ask him if it was ok if we went out. Sweet right? My dad must have said yes because I met Jake at the diner that night for milkshakes.

I drank mine in about a minute.

He didn't take a single sip of his.

Finally we got around to talking. Jake, with much trepidation, told me that he liked me and that he wanted to court me. He was completely honest and told me that he was looking for a woman who was marriage material. He explained that he didn't want to just date me...he was very interested in finding out if I was the woman who would become his wife.

Luckily for him I liked him too and wasn't interested in just dating either. We talked about the fact that I was still in high school. (Except that I really wasn’t. I’d finished all my high school requirements. I just was waiting for the end of the school year to get my diploma.) Jake had made an actual verbal promise to the youth pastor that he wouldn’t date a student. I guess that they had noticed out Facebook conversations as well. No worries though, he was more than willing to wait until I was officially graduated to be my boyfriend. We would continue to hang out in groups until then. Great, that was out of the way. But there still was one slight downside to that plan. I was supposed to graduate on May 15^th. Then, on May 18^th I was leaving the country for two and a half months. But Jake insisted that we would be able to work with the long distance thing.

Blissfully unaware that my life was going to change forever

While we were sitting in the diner, my mom happened to be pulling some strings behind the scenes and long story short, she ended up calling me and telling me that I actually would graduate May 1st. That was *counting fingers* only a week away! That also meant that we'd get to actually go on a date or two before I was out of the country for what would feel like forever.

As soon as Jake got to his car after dessert he called my dad again and set up “The Meeting.” You Sonlight laides likely remember that dinner. My dad asked Jake every question under the sun. Finances, faith, past relationships, education, plans for the future, plans for me, ideals…I think the only thing they didn’t talk about was politics, believe it or not. The two days prior to their evening Dad spent lots of time interviewing people he trusted who knew Jake. Luckily Jake had been working in youth ministry for so long that the youth pastors at both churches knew him well, as did their wives, as well as the senior pastors. Even before the dinner Dad knew that Jake was a pretty great guy.

So did Jake past the test and make it through the parental interrogation?

Another Suitor For The Princess

ETA: So after posting this I was looking through some old posts and saw that I've already posted this story! Last night I was looking through my old drafts to find inspiration and saw this gem, and thought I hadn't posted it. Well, I was wrong, but since it's my blog, I'm going to finish the series because I like it better than the last draft I did. So there.


Alright everybody. I've talked about some of the non-prince blokes...it's time for Jake to take the stage. The timeline is a little jumpy, but stay with me. It will be worth it.

GQ Magazine called...

Jake and I met for the first time when I was 16. Like I've said before, my parents moved our family to a little town in Northern California at the end of 2004. It was fairly traumatic, but shortly after moving I started making friends and feeling more comfortable. I got involved with a church very quickly, as did my parents. So involved, in fact, that my parents hosted the staff meeting for 2005's youth summer camp at their house early that spring. That was the first time I laid eyes on Jake. I thought he was cute, but quickly forgot about him. After all, he was obviously too old for me, considering he was at the staff meeting.

We ran into each other at youth camps over the next two years. He was going to college out of the area and was only home for during the summer and Christmas break. Coincidentally those were the times that youth camps were scheduled. At one winter camp I did develop a wee bit of a crush on him. However, very quickly after camp I moved on. He was not an option anyways, since he was five years older. At 16 that is a huge difference. At the following summer camp I found myself flirting with Jake again. Now that I had actually talked with him for some time, I thought he was a very nice guy. One who obviously loved the Lord. One who had some direction in life. One who was smart and funny. One who had gotten cuter since the last time I'd seen him. But, that summer I happened to be engrossed in my drama with The Frog, and when camp was over I forgot about Jake once again.

Fast forward to February, 2007. I was at a girls retreat. It was at this retreat that I really faced that fact that I had a bad habit of throwing my heart at guys who weren’t really worth my time. That is what I had done with The Crush. It was what I had done with The Frog. I had trusted my value, my self-esteem, and my whole life to these guys without even a shady promise of anything in return. I let myself become completely infatuated with these boys waaaaaaay to early and always ended up getting really hurt. I made a commitment to God that weekend that I would stop doing that. I would stop trusting random guys with my heart so quickly. Maybe I should have at least one conversation with them first. Just a thought.

Rewind real quick to a month before. I had started going to a different church than the one my family had been attending. I had been invited by a friend and really liked it. It just so happened that Jake's family went to this church. It just so happened that he had been coming home from college on the weekends and was going to that church. It just so happened that the friend who had invited me was also friends with Jake. It just so happened that we ended up sitting next to each other at church on more than one occasion. The week before this weekend in February we had been having a discussion about ways to study the Bible.

Ok, back to February. So I made this commitment to guarding my heart. And I was serious about it. Never again would I assume a guy was interested in me and promptly give away my heart. I was going to be responsible.

The very next day at church I was sitting next to Jake and he handed me a piece of paper. On it was Psalm 19 typed out and covered in hand written notes. “It’s an example of how to study a chapter,” he told me. Anyone else would have thought "That's nice of him." My mind immediately thought "Oh he likes me, look at all this effort. WAIT! Nope, I'm not going there." I thanked him for the paper and promptly tried to forget it ever happened. Do you see a pattern yet? Jake was the guy I kept trying to forget about. He was too good for me. I was supposed to end up with a troubled guy. I just knew it. Jake was too...too...nice.

How was I going to NOT fall for him?

For the next few weeks at church it seemed like he was sitting next to me on purpose. If we weren't sitting next to each other, he'd pass me a note, just to say hello. It was becoming harder and harder not to assume he liked me. And he was handsome. And he was nice to me. And, and, and… He started coming to lunch after church with my group of friends. By the end of March he started coming into my work. I could tell he didn't drink coffee regularly, but he was coming in anyways. We started emailing back and forth about various things. God, movies, music, work, life, even the future. He was very sly, working in the big questions with the less important ones. "What's your favorite movie? I like (blahblahblah). Also, where do you see yourself working in ministry in the future?" "Do you like to hike? How big of a family do you see yourself with?" Sneaky, right? Apparently, because I totally didn't catch on. I was trying so hard to ignore any hints that I missed them completely.

Despite my determination to stay neutral, I WAS beginning to like him. He was fun. He was funny. He and I had a lot of the same interests. I started trying to make ways for us to hang out. My car was making a funny noise, so I called him. He knew a lot about cars, so I thought he might be able to help. *innocent smile* We both had dogs, so maybe we could take them to the lake together. *innocent smile* 

He was on to me, and there was a big problem: I was still technically in high school and he was working with youth ministry at our church. That was a big no-no.

Stay tuned to see what happens next. I'd tell you, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. ;)

PART TWO

Happy Fourth!

We had a fabulous three day weekend. It was closer to a four day weekend, because aside from a few phone calls that Jake had to make we pretty much took Friday off too. Yay for owning our own business. :)

Our town has a HUGE 4th of July celebration. There is a 5 mile race for the crazy people, a 2 mile walk lined with vendors and musicians, fair food (I love me some freshly deep fried corn dogs), more street vendors, entertainers, lots of live music, raffles, and everyone you ever knew comes back to town and you bump into them constantly. And then there is a parade. Local law enforcement and firetrucks included. Fun for all.

Then, usually, you go to a BBQ somewhere and head up to the golf resort (along with everyone you ever knew) to watch the fireworks. There's lots more music and food, but the fireworks are pitifully small from that distance.

This year Jake and I decided to do something both of us have always wanted to try, but never have been able to do. We borrowed a boat from a friend and went out on the lake that they shoot the fireworks off at. We packed a picnic dinner, Jake brought a fishing pole and I brought a book, and after a BBQ with the in-laws we headed down the lake. It was so much fun! We floated for a few hours, munching on crackers and cheese and enjoyed the warm night. After dark the fireworks were right on top of us. Literally. We accidentally drifted into the "boat-free" space near the firework deck and a kindly ol' sheriff came and asked us to back up. Oops. But I think we'll be doing this every year.

Yay SUN!

Our mountain view

I could get used to this

See where they're being shot off from?

The lake is in a bit of a canyon, so no only did we hear and feel the boom from the firework going off, but then it would echo off the mountains surrounding us. It was like watching fireworks in a trashcan. So cool! Also, the camera couldn't pick this up, but you actually could see a faint outline of the mountain behind the fireworks. So imagine the mountain view just behind these fireworks. It was spectacular.

Happy Fourth!

And I can't leave a 4th of July post without giving a special thanks to the men and women who have fought for our freedom. I truly appreciate it and can't even begin to comprehend the sacrifices that have been made on my behalf. A marine friend of mine ran the 5 mile race in some of his gear and carrying the flag, reminding everyone that The Fourth means so much more than BBQs and boats. Thank you.

Home from Summer Camp

Well, I'm home. It was a looooong five days, but we survived. The administration side of things ran pretty great, especially considering it was my first year. I walked around a lot making sure staff knew when and where they needed to be places and started putting out fires just as soon as kids arrived, but I loved it! Well, by the end of the week I wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep forever, but I lasted almost the whole five days rather than burning out on day two like I usually do. And I kept hearing from the regular staff that this year ran smoother than any year prior. *bowing* You're welcome.

It started raining on Monday night and continued off and on until we left on Wednesday morning and almost everyone and everything was wet. But the kids pushed through and made the best of it.

I also pushed through and made the best of it. As I mentioned here, I was anticipating the arrival of dearest Aunt Flow the day before camp. I was anxious and nervous and generally irritable the whole week. I mostly kept it under control though. Sunday night I started spotting and warned the powers that be that I would likely not be joining them on the river. Luckily, since I had been anticipating this problem, I made sure I wasn't going to be necessary to the trip if I couldn't go, IE, I wasn't a driver or a raft leader.

Monday morning came and all I wanted to do was lay in my bed and wallow in self pity. I felt like crap, hadn't had a shower in three days, and woke up ready to tear someone's head off. However, I did get out of bed to make sure that the guys headed out to get the rental vans got off on time. I then put on my happy face (after a cup of coffee) and saw everyone off about three hours later. After that, I had the best day I've had in a long while. I went back to my tipi and laid in bed reading for quite some time. I spent some time in quiet prayer, just me, God, and the sound of construction in the background as the campground behind us was being renovated. I talked to my mom for an hour or so. Then I took a nap. When I woke up I put on my bathing suit and headed down to the lake. By then it was quite hot and I spent the rest of the early afternoon swimming with the camp nurse's three young daughters and laying out on the dock with the nurse catching up on life. The nurse had been a small group leader of mine when I first moved to the area. We hadn't really seen much of each other since then. It was a great time to catch up on life and talk about everything under the sun. I even told her some about trying to get pregnant and how that was becoming more and more of a struggle for me to deal with. She was very encouraging and shared about some struggles in her life as well. Three hours and a mild sunburn later I took a refreshing shower (and used three whole shower tokens, five minutes each) and went back to my tipi to read some more. I may have even taken a second nap. By the time the kids were back from rafting I was ready to face the world again. I wish the first day of EVERY period could be that relaxing.

To further the idea that the world is indeed very small, the camp speaker this year was actually a family friend who has been a part of my life for as along as I can remember. He is a pastor in San Diego and a very awesome guy. He was totally challenging to everyone at camp, students and staff alike. Jake and I have decided to work on something, but I don't remember the name of it. But basically the start is memorizing 12 particular Bible verses. The first two are Galatians 2:20 and 2 Corinthians 5:17

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

Neither of us have been challenging each other in our walk with God lately. It was very convicting to realize. So we are now attempting to actually sharpen each other as Christians. I'm really excited.

I'm thinking about going public.

I've been thinking more and more about going public with my blog. And by that I mean telling people in real life that I actually have a blog. People that might read it. I have told a select few friends already, but either I WANT them to read it, or I know they wont because they don't have time. :) But what if I were to start announcing my blog posts on facebook? I have 274 facebook friends. Many of them are students. Some of them are family. Some are people I only see once a year. Do I want all of them to have access to my inner thoughts?

I'm not ready for the paparazzi

I realized this morning one of my biggest fears about putting my blog out there: I already feel like people watch me and are waiting for me to be pregnant. Do I really want them all in on my thoughts and feelings on the matter? They'll want to talk about at inconvenient times. They might whisper behind my back. They might offer unwanted advice. At least when people offer unwanted advice on in the internet I can ignore their comment until a later time when I'm ready to hear it.

Disclaimer: I do appreciate your advice. Really I do. But, as I'm sure you can understand, I'm not always in the mood to listen. :) I do always come back to it though. So don't stop!

Another fear about putting my blog out there is that I've written some personal things about real people! Believe it or not, The Frog and The Crush are real people. You can't make that stuff up. What would they think if they read those posts? What would they say if I told them I wrote about them to try to help moms of young girls?

My blog isn't private. Anyone could look at it, if they found it. I just haven't been advertizing.


So, is your blog open to your friends and family? How does that work? Would you suggest it? Pros and Cons?

Leaving tomorrow

TH and I leave for camp tomorrow. I'm very excited, but also nervous. According to my chart, Aunt Flow is due any day now. I had a tinge of cramping this morning which has caused me to be on high alert all day, which has also caused me to be a bit bitchy. Not only is it a pain to be on your period when you are camping, (and white water rafting with jr high boys who may or may not even know what a period is) but I really don't want to face this while I'm there. I've got some really awesome friends, as well as my amazing husband, who haven't let me hide in my room with the covers over my head the last couple weeks. I appreciate them more than they know. The downside to that is I spend a lot of time crying because that's how I process things. Also, I haven't exactly been facing my feelings and fears quite as directly as maybe I should be. Instead of being buried under my comforter, I've dug myself a cozy hole beneath lists and deadlines. I'm not sure what I'm going to do come Wednesday.

If I'm a crying, snotty, emotional wreck at camp someone is bound to notice. I guess I might just be spending lots of time wandering through the woods trying to pull myself together. At this point the last thing I want to talk about and process at camp around 120 people is my "infertility."

On the other hand, if I find I'm prego at camp, well, that isn't ideal either. What if I have morning sickness? What if all I want to do is lie in bed all day feeling yucky? How can I keep my mouth shut to be able to tell my parents first? And I'd want to tell them first.

This was the reason I decided not to be a counselor this year. Not because I knew I'd be on my period, but because I'm attempting to work through so much right now in my own life and relationship with God. How can I reach other people when I'm so selfishly consumed? Administration is much safer. If I find myself crumbling I can pretend I have something very important to attend to and excuse myself.

I guess it was bound to happen this year. Last year I was ovulating during camp and TH and I, creative as we tried to be, were unable to escape to, well, make a baby. Not sure what that has to do with anything, but blog readers like inappropriate personal facts, right?

So that's where I'm at. I'll let you all know how I fared on Wednesday when I get home.

RIP Mr Darcy

At the tender age of four my family had a dog. This dog was a black lab/German Shepherd mix. Her name was Jenny. Jenny was the sweetest and bestest dog in the world. She liked to chase birds.

It just so happened that a huge flock of pigeons liked to frequent our back yard. Every time they would land Jenny would go charging around the yard chasing them until they would fly away, only to repeat the process the next day.

One day Jenny got really lucky. There were so many pigeons that day that in the confusion of trying to fly away one was caught by our ever faithful canine companion. Jenny loved her new birdy so much she held on tight and shook it really hard. Like a slobbery spinning mouth hug. Sadly the fragile little birdy didn't fare so well from this lovin'.

Brother and I happened to be watching on this particular day and looked on in horror as Jenny loved on her her new birdy friend. We shrieked and cried for someone to save it. My grandfather swooped in and rescued the poor innocent bird and placed him in a shoe box. The image of that poor helpless bird is still burned into my memory. Most of it's feathers had been torn off, the rest were slobbered flat. It's skin was red and inflamed. Grandpa, seeing my distress, offered to take the birdy to the vet. Thank goodness for grandpas. He came home an hour later and, with sorrow in his voice, let us know that the vet's office did all they could for the birdy, but he wasn't going to make it. "Thanks anyways, Grandpa. You did all you could."




Flash forward seven years. My parents were having a dinner party with a couple friends. Brother and I were playing outside and decided that we wanted a drink. I entered the house and was frozen stiff as I heard these words flowing out of my dear grandfather's mouth:

"Jenny really mangled that bird. Rachel was so upset though, I couldn't just take care of it in front of her. So I put it in a box and took it around the block and stepped on it. I had to tell her I took it to the vet."

I was stunned into silence. The laughter in his voice was so contradictory. And the dinner guests were all similarly amused. How could they find any humor in the situation? Grandpa was a liar. He. Was. A. Murderer. I rounded the corner into the kitchen slowly, trying to keep my face composed as I looked into the eyes of a man I trusted my life to every day. A man who meant the world to me.

"You didn't take him to the vet?" My voice wavered and my eyes began to burn with tears, but I choked them back. "You told me you took the bird to the vet."

Stifling his laughter, Grandpa assured me that it was the only solution for the bird, and was the kindest thing to do. His face had changed though. No longer was I looking into the eyes of my kindly grandfather. I was looking at the face of a cold blooded killer. More than that, I was looking at the face of a liar. Seven years I had quietly and ignorantly believed that the bird who was in so much pain that day had gone to the vet to be saved. I discovered that day that no such measures were taken to revive the bird. Seven years I believed that it had had the proper burial deserved of birds viciously attacked. I recoiled in horror as I learned that he had been carelessly tossed in the trash in the alley.

And the kicker? As I looked around the dinner table at the other faces that looked at mine, which was now starting to streak with tears, I saw my parents. They had known too. All this time.....

I got over it eventually. Pretty quick actually. But I still would rather believe that an animal did not need to be killed, nor was it killed, except by euthanasia at a very old, well ripened age. Especially my pets. Jake and I bought two kittens two years ago and last summer one disappeared. As far as I'm concerned, she moved in with another family around the block. She didn't get eaten by coyotes. I have told Jake if he finds Jackie smooshed on the street to tell me a sad story about an orphan girl wanting a dog. Ok, I didn't really ask him to tell me that. But I might.

One of my parent's cats died on Sunday night. He was hit by a car. The neighbor found him in the street. I sort of wish they had told me he'd "moved in with someone around the corner." At least if he had had the decency to get eaten we could pretend. But instead he had the stupidity to sit in the road on a blind corner at night. RIP Mr Darcy.

He was the cuddliest kitty I've ever known

Tech Wizard

I'm thinking about taking a webdesign class. It was Mom's idea. I'm actually pretty interested in taking the class. If nothing else, Jake and I have our business website that is in need of some help. And I could help Mom with her blog too. That was the real reason she suggested I take the class. Well that, and I know she'd do anything to try to get me back in school. She might think she was being sneaky, but I know better. ;)

Even so, it looks like I might be a technical wizard by Winter. So, to my family and friends who need tech help, you're welcome.

Father's Day! and why Daddy's near death experience is indeed a laughing matter

First off, go read my mom's blog here to see how awesome my Daddy is. As a bonus, there is a lovely picture of my brother and I showing how much we love each other. The second picture of us is nice, too.

Anyways, this post is about my Dad. He's the best dad. He just is. He tucked us in. He read aloud to us. He played games with us. He would swim all day with us. He also worked really hard so my mom could stay home with Brother and I. He's kind, caring, loving, and generous. He was firm when he needed to be, and tender when other fathers wouldn't have been. I told a story in my post Let's Talk About Body Image of when he told me that I was beautiful despite and because of my rear end stretch marks. He also somehow was able to admit to me that guys would find it, the rear end that is, enjoyable to look at. Turns out he was right. THANKS DADDY.

Well, I guess talking about Dad and my rear in the same paragraph isn't exactly the best father's day card ever. But I did get him a pretty awesome card. It had Superman on the front and said "You've always been my hero...but I never want to see you in tights and cape." Then, when you open it, it plays the Superman theme song. (Starting at 43 seconds) He spent the rest of dinner opening the card anytime he was going to talk. And then anytime the conversation moved away from him. And then anytime he entered a room. And then...well then basically he carried it around all night and the house was filled with the Superman Theme for hours.

Through history, (Hollywood history, that is) there have been some awesome dads. Superman? He would be cool to have as a dad, except that you wouldn't know he was your dad because he would be busy hiding his identity.

Mufasa from The Lion King. Tell me you don't at least feel a pang of sadness when he dies. I know I'm a blubbering mess. Even so, Simba is kind of a spoiled brat. Things would have been different if his dad wouldn't have died, though. I don't see Mufasa taking a lot of that "I'm a king" crap. And he died trying to save his son, so he gets points for that.







Daniel Hillard, played by Robin Williams, was, if nothing else, a very dedicated dad. When life as he knows it crumbles and his ex-wife refuses to let him see the kids as often as he likes he dresses up as a women named Mrs. Doubtfire and gets hired as a nanny. It gets a little weird when his son walks in on him in the bathroom while he's peeing standing up, but all is forgiven in the end.

Guido Orefice, Life is Beautiful. If you haven't seen this movie yet and decide to watch it, make sure to take a box (or six) of tissues. This is one of my favorite Movie Dads. Here's the story: Jewish book keeper Guido lives a lovely, quiet life with his wife and young son, Giosuè. And then the Nazis come and take them all to a concentration camp. Guido initially saves Giosuè from being killed with the other children by hiding him in the barracks and then convinces him that their time in the camp is actually a big game. A game where Giosuè needs to be quiet and hide, a lot, simultaneously saving his life and protecting him from the horrors of the concentration camp. SPOILER: In the end, the Americans come into the camp to save the day, but not before Guido is shot and killed. Just moments before he manages to hide his son away one last time and Giosuè is saved by the Americans.

So to all you dads out there, thanks for all you do. And to my very special Dad, remember when I would hold on to your legs when you would have to go to work and you would end up dragging me down the hall because I wasn't willing to let you go? I still love you that much and would rather you didn't have to work so we could hang out all the time.

Here is a funny story, before you go, about Dad. Well, it's not so much about Dad as it is involving Dad. Let me preface this with a little back history: when Dad gets hurt, it's kinda funny. Not if he's really hurt, like bleeding everywhere. Then it's not funny. But when he's a little hurt, like hammering his finger, he hops around in big circles and does his best not to curse. Once we find out that he is not in fact seriously injured, it is a little hard not to giggle. This infuriates him, which makes me sad, but sometimes I can't help it. My mom especially can't help it.


Ok, back to the story. So one day Dad was, well I've actually forgotten what exactly he was doing, but he was doing something on the roof. Perhaps getting rid of cobwebs under the eaves or screwing in hooks for Christmas lights. I think it was the Christmas light hooks because I remember it was wintertime and it was starting to snow. If that wasn't what he was doing, well let's just go with it. And if it wasn't winter, let's just go with that too. It makes the story better. Anyways, instead of climbing a ladder to the tall roof line Dad decided it would be easier to lay down on the roof and inch towards the ledge. He figured he would be able to hang off the roof ever so slightly to screw in the hangers. Very sound logic. Apparently it had been working because he had worked his way over to the far end of the house. Head down and arms hanging over the eave, Dad suddenly found himself slipping. See, living in the wilderness means that you get more rigorous exercise in your day to day life than you do in the city. This was our first winter on the mountain and he discovered that very day that without even noticing it he had indeed lost an inch or two from his waist line. And because of that, he was suddenly slipping head first off the roof.


Somehow he managed to not fall off the roof (probably with some amazing Spider Man like agility) and he quickly ran inside to tell us all about his near death experience. As he is talking, Mom, the ever gentle, loving, and caring wife that she is, is sitting on the couch looking like she is about to burst. When the story is over, dear old Daddy patiently asks Mom why she looks like she will explode into laughter at the thought of his demise. She responds like so:


"I was just realizing that we would have found you dead due to obvious head trauma on the side of the house...with your pants around your ankles!" And that was all she wrote, folks. Mother, Brother and I were practically rolling on the floor in tears. Brother then pointed out that we might not have found him for a while because it was starting to snow and he could have just been covered up.

"We might not have found you until Spring!" Apparently that was even more than we could handle because at that point we were literally on the floor in tears.


I'm not implying that death by falling off the roof head first is any laughing matter. But you have to admit: it would have been at least a little odd to have found Dearest Dad dead with his pants around his ankles. There would have been no explanation at all. I still crack up when I think about it. That night at dinner we each took turns writing Dad's eulogy, making up stories about him being a roof nudist. He would have been the nudest roof dweller in the land. And that, my friends (if you still want to be my friends after this horrifying story) is my Father's Day Story.

A day in the life

What DOES a day in the life of this young wife look like?

7:30am Alarm goes off. Groan and push snooze. Roll over for some morning cuddles with the Hubs
7:39am Alarm goes off again. Sleep through it while Hubs presses snooze every nine minutes until...
8:24am Get up and let the dogs out. Use the potty (don't say you don't first thing in the morning) and grab sweats/robe.
8:30am Head to the kitchen to feed the dogs. Jackie is already barking at the door.
8:32am Consider whether to join Hubs in the shower to save water or make him a surprise breakfast.
8:33am Decide that cereal and Facebook sound like a lot less work than either a shower or a surprise breakfast.
8:34am Start tea pot and make cereal. Check email, Facebook, blog, and TapZoo.

I had intended to make a whole day's schedule for you, but the truth is on any given day I can be going to projects with Jake, cleaning the house, cooking, babysitting for friends, walking the dogs, working out, paying bills, running errands, making copies, filing paperwork, thinking about what to make for dinner, menu planning, grocery shopping, going to the bank, vacuuming, brushing the dogs, vacuuming some more, washing dishes, washing laundry, meeting with our accountant, thinking about house projects, watering plants, vacuuming again, talking on the phone with Mom, stopping by Mom's house to talk to her face to face, making lunch at home, going to lunch with a friend, going to lunch with Jake, vacuuming, being a sexcretary (not a typo), stapling documents, making dessert, answering the phone, talking to clients, more vacuuming, and...and...and...

Summer camp!

Blogging is SO time consuming. I've been talking a lot about this with my mom lately. She's been working really hard to make her blog, The Chloe Chronicles, something special, and she's doing a fantastic job. I, on the other hand, have recently been elected "Camp Administrator" for the annual youth group camp this summer and it has taken a real toll on my blog writing time. Camp is in a week and a half and very little has actually been done in terms of preparation. I have spent very large chunks of the last five days in the Camp Director's (a local youth pastor) office. On top of keeping the Camp Director in line, I have a house to clean, a husband to feed and spend time with, a pregnancy crisis center to volunteer at, and did I mention that husband to spend time with? Believe it or not he doesn't consider time I spend writing to all my 14 followers quality time with him. Even when I'm doing it right next to him. Crazy, right?

What I was coming here to say was: I haven't been around much lately because I've been SUPER busy with this camp stuff, and will continue to be busy with this camp stuff for the next two weeks. I told you I was going to keep myself busy. But don't worry, I'm not over extending myself. I get a high off doing administration duties. Being able to tell people what to do, and have them listen...it's like crack for me. Seriously. And I'm good, too. I'm very organized. I make lists. I stay on top of deadlines. I keep everyone up to date. I keep all the paperwork in order. I keep copies of all my paperwork in order.

So, since I am single-handedly trying to keep camp and my husband from simultaneously imploding, I've let blogging slide for a bit.

I made a yummy spaghetti dinner with home make garlic bread. The kitchen is sparkling (thanks mostly to my SIL who does my dishes when she comes over for dinner), and speaking of kitchens, now it is time to assign Kitchen Clean Up for the campers. Yippie!!

Busy, busy day

I have decided not to sit on my butt. I want to be a mom, but I'm not. It is not helpful to anyone or anything when I just sit here depressed and waiting. I have put my life on hold because I have been waiting. Well...no more waiting! I need to not spend all my time in this awkward limbo. First things first: yesterday I got off my bum and put in some Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred to get my blood pumping.

Today I went with Jake to some meetings he had. He needed me to help him with measurements and sketches (I have much neater hand writing than he does) and so I went along.

After that I met with one of the local youth pastors to discuss this summer's youth camp. I used to be really involved in youth ministry and have been backing off lately. It's been a nice break, but I feel like I could be more involved now. I offered my administrative talents and we got a lot done today. I'm really excited.

Tomorrow I'm meeting with the pastor at my own church to talk about children's Sunday school. He had contacted me back in December about helping him revamp the children's Sunday school group, and I have been putting it off because I didn't want to become too enmeshed in a bunch of different ministries and then want to back out when I got pregnant.

No. More. Waiting.

Summer movies

I love super hero movies. I just do. I don't know the comic book backgrounds of most of them, but when I was growing up my dad would take my brother and I to the Saturday noon matinee of every big superhero block buster opening weekend. It is one of my favorite memories of my childhood. In fact, those movies have shaped how I watch movies in the theater even today.

• We'd get to the theater at least an hour early to get the best seats in the theater. I don't go that far any more, but we live in a very small town with a very small theater. Unless you go to a movie on a weekend night you're not going to need to go an hour early. But I still like to be there early if at all possible.
• We didn't buy candy or popcorn or drinks. Dad would say "If you get popcorn you'll be thirsty. If you get a drink you'll have to get up during the movie to use the bathroom. You don't want to miss part of the movie because you have to go to the bathroom, do you?" Now that I'm older I think he just didn't want to spend $30 extra on popcorn, but I still don't get popcorn or drinks when I'm at the movies...because he was right. I DON'T want to have to go to the bathroom during the movie.
• Since we would get to the theater so early, and Brother and I would be so excited to see whatever awesome movie it was, we would be a bit restless and need to kill some time. Dad came up with the best game ever. Statue. Here are the rules. On three, Brother and I have to be as still as possible in whatever position we were in. Arms up, standing, sitting, mouth open or closed...no moving. Who ever held it longest got a quarter. We thought it was the best game ever. I don't force Jake to play with me, but I do intend on playing it with my kids when they are old enough to take to the movies. If there are still movie theaters then and we aren't all watching movies by implanted microchip.
• I also prefer to see afternoon or mid-week showings. Less people. 

Anyways, this summer has a lot of superhero movies coming out. I thought I'd let you know of some that I'm looking forward to.

I saw Thor. I liked it. But you can wait to rent it if you haven't already seen it. It was campy in all the right places, like a good superhero movie should be.

Jake and I saw X-men First Class yesterday. LOVED IT. If you like superhero movies, I'd suggest seeing this one in theaters. It's going to be hard to top it this summer, in my opinion.

Green Lantern. I have a crush on Ryan Reynolds. We may see it in theaters if we have a free evening.

Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon. I didn't really do Transformers when I was little. Brother had a few of the toys, but they weren't a big deal to me. My husband and his sister, on the other hand, LOVE Transformers. Especially my sister-in-law. It took me a few tries to watch the first one, (they'd start it late at night, and I kept falling asleep) but finally I saw the whole thing. I'm sure I'll be seeing Transformers 3 in theaters at least once with her. And I remember Shia Labeouf from way back when he was doing Even Stevens, so it's a bit sentimental, too.


Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2. Not a comic book superhero, but what can you do. I haven't read the books. But I've watched all the movies. How could I miss the very last one!? Besides, who doesn't love a good battle between good and evil?

Captain America. Abs, abs, abs. Oh, and good verse evil once again. And this is basically the Avengers kick off, right? Gotta see it.

So yeah...I probably missed one, but those are some of the movies are I'm looking forward to seeing this summer. And, for nostalgia's sake I'm sure I'll be bringing Dad along for at least a couple. At least I'm seeing X-Men again with him.