Created to be His Door Mat?

Well I've only thrown the book across the room once. I've skimmed the majority of the book, and it's started some interesting conversations with my hubby. There are some very good points. There are some things I would have written differently, not because it would change the actual meaning of what she is trying to say, but because it might come across less abrasive. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being blunt, but I think there is a difference between being blunt and down right offensive. Granted, people interpret things differently.

I've started the book over again, and with pen and journal in hand, I've started my mission to really take everything I can from this book. I'm not determined to prove everything she has to say to be false. After all, her concepts (for the most part) are Biblically based. But, as my husband puts it, she takes an idea and writes herself into a box, where she gets trapped and has no point of escape other than to deny something she's already written.

The scare tactics don't impress me either. Who really gets the glory when a woman is scared into submitting to her husband with threats of divorce, delinquent children, and dead-end jobs? Not that those things couldn't happen, but to tell a woman that the baby sitter will be having sex with a boyfriend while the kids run rampant through the house, and she'll only be able to get a crappy job and wont be able to afford to fix her broken car all because she writes in to ask how she should handle the fact that her hubby watches things on TV with the kids that are inappropriate...seems a little like overkill to me.

Thus far, there isn't really anything in the book that is new information. Jake and I had the privilege of participating in the Love and Respect study by Emerson Eggerichs in our couple's study when we got back from our honeymoon. We didn't enter our marriage with any serious issues (other than the fact that we are both sinful, selfish human beings) but we've taken the teachings and Biblical application of the study and put it into practice in our own marriage. Submitting to and respecting my husband isn't a profound concept to me, and it is something that I consciously do every day. Debi...I dare you to shock me with your grand wisdom.

:D

So I have a new book

Two of the ladies in the couple's Bible study Jake and I go to gave me a book last night. They just about swear by it. Perhaps you've heard of it (if you're a Christian wife, you probably have). Created to be his Help Meet by Debi Pearl. I read bit of it last night. So far it's talked about helping your husband, having a merry heart, and being joyful. None of those are controversial or inherently unbiblical topics, right? But from the moment I had the book in my hands, I've been struggling to read it with an unbiased attitude. I want to read it. Gotta give it a fair shot, right? And the ladies who gave it to me are wonderful Christian women with great insight into marriage and life, and are totally great wives. I've always thought of them as very wise women. Why would they give me a bad book? But I couldn't help but think that the book was focused on turning Christian wives into drones. I'm not sure why. But that was my gut feeling when I was handed the book.

Today I've been surfin' around trying to find some reviews on the book, and so far I've found nothing but complaints. "Unscriptural," "deceiving," and "dangerous" are more common descriptions. I guess some of that discerning wisdom my mom has has rubbed off on me. ;)

SL Ladies, I'm so glad I have a way to talk to you (almost) directly. I've always valued your insights and opinions. What do you think about this book (if you've read it)? I've decided I'm going to read it so I can talk about it with the ladies, and other women who may read it through out the years. I'm going to keep a journal while reading it to keep track of my thoughts, where I do or don't agree, and where my scriptural support is found. As it will probably take me a couple of weeks to do this (it's a fairly good sized book, and taking notes always makes things take longer) I'm sure I'll be posting some of my rants here. Ta-ta for now!

Oh I feel much better now

So I've been praying basically all day. Shortly after I wrote my last blog, (in the shower praying) I suddenly felt this weight lifted off me. I was really OK with not knowing the future. Would knowing the future really help me with decisions I have to make today? It didn't work out so great for Abraham when he took Hagar.

So, I just wanted you all to know that I'm no longer in despair. I'd still like to know what the future holds, but I'm OK not knowing. Tonight at the couples' Bible study Jake and I go to one of the ladies asked (in fact a few of them did) if we'd had any revelations about our life together, regarding the future. (we had asked the group to be praying for us for guidance a few weeks ago). I didn't feel intimidated, defensive, ashamed, or pressured at all!! And as soon as Jake heard the question he ran over and said "Our five year plan is to win the lottery." He totally got to be my protector (a big plus for him). Being able to talk to my husband about things that are troubling me is really a great thing. I wish I had been humble enough to come to him in the first place. Things would have been much less tense around here the past few weeks. Anyways, I was able to just say "We really don't know, but I feel OK with that. Which is really great." And this lady (a dear friend of mine) cheerfully said "I've been thinking about you guys lately, and I thought of something: you're learning to be married! That's what your life looks like right now, and it's OK!" I just smiled and secretly rolled my eyes. Duh, I figured that out ages (translation: hours) ago.

Jake and I are learning how to love each other like Christ loves the church. That's our five year plan. Whatever happens along the way, as long as we're glorifying the Lord and seeking his wisdom, isn't anything to worry about.

One thing about being a newlywed...

There are so many people "suggesting" that we do things a certain way. Have kids right now. Wait five years. Move to a big city. Get a career started. Work for a big corporation. Own a big house. So much pressure to know what life will look like. "When is Jake getting his engineering license?" "Are you pregnant yet?" "When will you buy a house" "How many kids are you going to have?" "Are you ready for next semester?" "How's your nursing career coming along?" And so on. I have one question for all of them:

When you had been married six months, did you have it all figured out?!

What is this obsession with a "five year plan?" Why do we even have to know what is going to happen in the next six months? We're learning how to be married right now. We're learning how to trust God with our future.
How come thats not enough?

I understand being interested in what our lives are going to look like. People have invested in our lives and they're genuinely curious. I would be to! I just wish that I didn't feel so looked down upon for not knowing what the future holds. "We're waiting on God" sounds like we're not making any effort. "We don't know" sounds like we're not taking life seriously. I wish we knew. I really do. Last night I cried for an hour about not knowing. We're talking big alligator tears and a bed full of tissues. Jake doesn't have quite the dramatic reaction to it, but he was right there with me.

I actually am very nervous about not knowing. I know that whatever happens, God will provide for us, and trust him completely. I'm still scared.

Let me never be like Job's wife.

I've been reading Job over the past couple of days. I'm only a couple chapters into it, and already I'm mad. I knew the story of Job: bod things happen to a good guy, he never really knows why. I also knew that he had crappy friends, but I never realized how crappy.

So far, his friends have judged his relationship with God, accused him of not confessing his sins, and told him that he must deserve what is happening to him. Great support system, right? On top of that, what makes me the maddest, is even his own wife thinks the same things, and makes her opinion known. Low blow. I know that if Jake was going through something, no matter what it is, or how I feel about it, it is my job to support him. When friends fall away, parents are disappointed...I am here to build him up. And it's all that matters to him. Seriously. Jake gets some pretty harebrained ideas from time to time, and it doesn't matter if the whole world is against him, as long as I am on his side, he might think he could fly off a building. (I try not to let the power go to my head.)

I can't imagine how devastated Job is after his wife loosing hope in him. And it even happens first! Common woman...buck up!