Right now I work full time and am not in school. I do not plan on going back to school, and sooner rather than later would like to be a stay at home wife. I have only told a handful of people until now. I think most people are under the impression that I'm planning on going back to school in the fall to become an RN. I considered that, and it was an easy thing to tell people when I wasn’t really sure what my future held. Over the last couple of months I’ve been thinking, praying, and talking with Jake and have come to the conclusion that I don’t want an official career. I don’t want a degree or any academic title for that matter. I want to be a homemaker. It has been my dream since I was a little girl. I have just recently realized, however, that I don't need to spend all the time and money half-heartedly pursuing something else until we have kids. I shouldn’t have to justify myself to others, but I feel like I will have to, so here goes.
There are two questions I get asked since Jake and I got married. The first is “What are you in school for?” When people find out I am not in school they look at me with woeful eyes like I won’t amount to anything. The second question I am asked most often is “When are you guys having kids?” People ask me these questions as if those are the only two things I could be doing right now to make my life meaningful. Since I am not in school we must be planning a family for the near future. Since we are not prego I must be pursuing a formal education. I am not throwing my life down the drain because I’m not in school and Jake and I are not rushing to have kids.
Many people my age are in school. Many of my own friends are very school oriented. They want degrees and careers of their own. There is nothing wrong with that and I am truly happy for them. My greatest desire however, is not to have my own official career but to support Jake and raise a family with him. I have no doubt that it is a God given desire and I want to do everything I can to pursue that. All I was ever taught in college was to pursue my own career and that I needed to be dependent only on myself. I don’t want that. I am dependent on Christ and he has given Jake as my provider.
I realize that this sounds like I was taken away and kept in a box somewhere and brain washed. This is not the norm; in fact it is backwards from our culture. This is probably why I have met resistance when I talk about it. I have this insatiable desire to nest; to create a comfortable home that we are proud of and excited to have company in. I want to be cooking, cleaning, planting a garden, and taking care of our home. I want to be the Titus 2 woman loving my husband and children, being busy at home, and so on. I want to be like the famous Proverbs 31 Woman, working hard, honoring my husband and supporting him in all he does. I want to volunteer at the pregnancy center. I want to be free to meet with a girl from the youth group on her lunch break if she needs to talk. I want more time to invest in people. Also, for totally selfish reasons, I’d really like to be able to go to the bank when they are open.
I’ve been thinking about why this is such a scary thing to people. If I was training to be an Olympic gymnast instead of going to school, that would be acceptable. If I wanted to climb Mt Everest instead of going to school people would think I was an inspiration. I’d have something to show for those things: a metal around my neck or frostbite on my toes. Being a stay at home wife is more of a burden than an accomplishment these days.
How does our family feel about this? Our parents support us. I haven’t really talked to anyone else because I know some of them will be disappointed. The ones who think I threw my life away by getting married at 19. The ones who desire great wealth and prestige and think we should too. Jake and I don’t desire to be rich. We are quite content to live within the means God has granted us at this time. He has been more than generous with us.
I don’t mean this to sound stuck up or “we trust God and you don’t.” By no means! This is something we feel called to do. Obviously not everyone is called to the same things. I just wanted to clarify that. Some of the ladies who I have talked to about this get defensive because they work outside of the home. I don’t have a problem with that. I hope that they don’t have a problem that I’ll be staying home.
My mom asked me to finish this blog, so I finally did.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
"Where is it?"
My mother told me the other day "I don't care about how much you respect your husband, where is this new blog about your new life?" She didn't even preface it with "what a good wife you are" or anything. Sheesh.
It is coming. I promise. I've told mom and dad what it is all about, but I haven't told my in-laws. I figure we should tell them in person first before I announce it on the internet. I don't think anyone (other than my mom) who knows them reads this, but maybe there is someone. It's not that I think they will be upset or anything (Jake and I are not going to become swingers or join a cult or anything) but there just hasn't been a good time to tell them. But I'm going to this week! This is my promise to you, whoever you are. :) So be looking for a new blog sometime in the next two weeks.
It is coming. I promise. I've told mom and dad what it is all about, but I haven't told my in-laws. I figure we should tell them in person first before I announce it on the internet. I don't think anyone (other than my mom) who knows them reads this, but maybe there is someone. It's not that I think they will be upset or anything (Jake and I are not going to become swingers or join a cult or anything) but there just hasn't been a good time to tell them. But I'm going to this week! This is my promise to you, whoever you are. :) So be looking for a new blog sometime in the next two weeks.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
r-e-s-p-e-c-t
This is not the promised blog about my new decisions in life. That is still on my laptop at home getting edited. No, this blog is about respect. Not for me, but for my husband. Husbands in general really.
The other night Jake and I watched the movie A Beautiful Mind with Russel Crowe. It is a true story about a schizophrenic named John who winds ups being a genius and winning the Nobel Prize. This movie got me thinking about another Russel Crowe movie: Cinderella Man. The first time I watched this movie I was struck by the relationship between Jim (Russel Crowe) and his wife Mae (Renee Zellweger). If you haven't seen this movie, it is about a washed up boxer who is out money and work because of The Depression. His family is starving and freezing to death because they can't pay the bills. His children end up being sent to his in-law's house someplace warmer because they get sick. Jim is determined to bring his family back together and keep them together so he starts boxing again. Mae is not super supportive right away because it is dangerous and he has already been hurt so many times. But after a quick fight, she is on his side. She actually supports him and encourages him to do what he can to keep the family together.
What struck me about their relationship is her respect for her husband. He so dearly loves and cares for her and wants to provide for her and their children, and she lets him! Even though it seems stupid and even life threatening, she supports him and cheers for him. She doesn't just look on and nag him, tell him he'll never make it, and rag on him to all her friends. She actually stand by him and bolsters him up, roots for him, and publicly supports him even though the odds and against him. What a wife.
I realized that in A Beautiful Mind the wife is just a supportive. Her husband has schizophrenia. He is litterally going crazy and accidentally almost killed their baby. He secretly stops taking his meds because they were making him miserable. When the doctor says he needs to come back to the hospital for more treatments John refuses to go and decides that he can beat schizophrenia on his own. His wife Alicia stands by him. Maybe she is going crazy too. But you know what? He does it! He is still plagued by the things and people he sees, (in the movie they main people he has interacted with just follow him around looking sad that he doesn't talk to them any more) but he is able to ignore them mostly. He wins the Nobel prize and gives all the credit to his wife. She stood by him and supported him. Because of her he had hope to work harder. Perhaps a great deal of that was made for the movie because when I researched John Nash I found that he and Alicia were actually dicvorced for a time. They remarried but apparently were only room-mates until after 1994. But it sure made for a good ending to a movie.
I want to be a wife like that. I'm blessed to have a husband who loves me like these men loved their wives so it isn't all that hard. He hasn't decided to do something totally crazy yet, but I'm practicing respect while I can. :)
The other night Jake and I watched the movie A Beautiful Mind with Russel Crowe. It is a true story about a schizophrenic named John who winds ups being a genius and winning the Nobel Prize. This movie got me thinking about another Russel Crowe movie: Cinderella Man. The first time I watched this movie I was struck by the relationship between Jim (Russel Crowe) and his wife Mae (Renee Zellweger). If you haven't seen this movie, it is about a washed up boxer who is out money and work because of The Depression. His family is starving and freezing to death because they can't pay the bills. His children end up being sent to his in-law's house someplace warmer because they get sick. Jim is determined to bring his family back together and keep them together so he starts boxing again. Mae is not super supportive right away because it is dangerous and he has already been hurt so many times. But after a quick fight, she is on his side. She actually supports him and encourages him to do what he can to keep the family together.
What struck me about their relationship is her respect for her husband. He so dearly loves and cares for her and wants to provide for her and their children, and she lets him! Even though it seems stupid and even life threatening, she supports him and cheers for him. She doesn't just look on and nag him, tell him he'll never make it, and rag on him to all her friends. She actually stand by him and bolsters him up, roots for him, and publicly supports him even though the odds and against him. What a wife.
I realized that in A Beautiful Mind the wife is just a supportive. Her husband has schizophrenia. He is litterally going crazy and accidentally almost killed their baby. He secretly stops taking his meds because they were making him miserable. When the doctor says he needs to come back to the hospital for more treatments John refuses to go and decides that he can beat schizophrenia on his own. His wife Alicia stands by him. Maybe she is going crazy too. But you know what? He does it! He is still plagued by the things and people he sees, (in the movie they main people he has interacted with just follow him around looking sad that he doesn't talk to them any more) but he is able to ignore them mostly. He wins the Nobel prize and gives all the credit to his wife. She stood by him and supported him. Because of her he had hope to work harder. Perhaps a great deal of that was made for the movie because when I researched John Nash I found that he and Alicia were actually dicvorced for a time. They remarried but apparently were only room-mates until after 1994. But it sure made for a good ending to a movie.
I want to be a wife like that. I'm blessed to have a husband who loves me like these men loved their wives so it isn't all that hard. He hasn't decided to do something totally crazy yet, but I'm practicing respect while I can. :)
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